PRIDE
by Stranger 1993
Summary: When shy, insecure, closeted Glee Clubber Kurt Hummel thinks he might be falling for out-and-proud jock football player Dave Karofsky, he actually starts to believe that there might be hope after all. But will the lie he lives keep him from true love?
1. If It's Normal, Why Does It Feel Wrong?

**Okay, I'm not sure why I started a new fic when I'm not even HALFWAY finished with "By Your Side," (which I TOTALLY plan on updating soon) but I just got this idea in my head and I couldn't shake it! I decided that I would give it a shot and post it. I don't usually care for most stories that stray so far from canon because Dave and Kurt's relationship and how it evolves in canon is a huge part of what makes the ship for me, but, but I figured I would go for it anyway!**

**It is basically an AU starting near the end of the episode "Acafellas" and the beginning of "Preggers" all the way back in Season 1, though there will be a **_**few**_** canon elements involved xD**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>By some incredible miracle, Kurt had managed to go the entire day without being shoved into a locker or tossed into a dumpster. As he strolled on down to his locker, books in hand, his spirits automatically deflated when he saw none other than the Mohawk bearing Noah Puckerman, along with about three other football players, striding toward him. Kurt clenched his books tight and braced himself for impact, but the force of the expected shove still knocked him down to the floor.<p>

As Kurt sat, his back against the lockers, his French notes scattered all across the hallway, he turned his face to Puckerman who merely glanced back at him and shrugged.

"Oops. Sorry, kid, didn't see you" he said, fist bumping his buddies as they sauntered off together. Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Hey, what the fuck is your problem, Puck? Leave the kid alone!" said a voice that Kurt hadn't recognized from the usual terrorizing.

It was deep and firm and forceful, so it couldn't have been anyone from Glee (the closest thing to that was… well, Finn. And this boy sounded nothing like Finn). Kurt looked up and saw a football player that he barely recognized. He had definitely seen this boy around school, but since he wasn't constantly bullied and teased by him every day, his face wasn't etched into Kurt's memory like Puckerman and the others. "Puck," as the football player was called, turned back around in Kurt's direction, his eyes locked on Kurt's defender.

"Come on, Karofsky, you know damn well I just couldn't help it. The dude's like the easiest target in this school. It's nothing new; he knows it. See ya at practice, buddy," he responded, as if that perfectly explained everything. The other football player sighed and knelt down to where he was at eye level with Kurt.

"You alright?" he asked with a concerned grin. Kurt nodded a bit too quickly, and he was positively sure that he was flushing right now.

"I'm fine… thank you," Kurt said softly. The boy nodded and proceeded to help Kurt pick up his notes and books.

"There's no excuse for his behavior. Puck's a good dude at heart and everything, but he can kind of be a real dick sometimes."

"So I've learned," Kurt scoffed. After the athlete handed him his last paper, he extended his arm out to Kurt.

"I'm David."

"Kurt," the Glee Clubber replied slowly, taking the larger hand and shaking it. Kurt figured the hand would've been dry and cold or clammy and uncomfortable like the rest of the jocks, but… it was actually warm and smooth to the touch. The warm, innocent smile that David greeted him with made Kurt melt on the inside, though, on the surface, he remained collected. Kurt didn't even realize that he was staring at David until the football player eyed him peculiarly. Kurt broke away from the grip and stood to his feet, his books back in his arms.

"Thanks, again." David shrugged and smirked.

"Not a problem. You stay out of trouble, alright? I'll see you around. Nice meeting you, Kurt."

"Likewise," muttered the singer. David grinned at him and strolled off after his teammates. When he was out of sight, Kurt couldn't help but giggle quietly to himself… what the _hell_ just happened?

* * *

><p>That Saturday afternoon was the day that the Glee Club held its first carwash fundraiser so that they could hire Dakota Stanley as a choreographer. Kurt really had no reason to wear his everyday clothes to a carwash, but hey at least he looked stylish while he was doing it. And while the thought of Finn out in the heat, sweat trickling down his tall, muscular body normally would've secretly turned Kurt on, for some reason, he couldn't stop thinking about that David guy. The hazel eyes, the smile… the way that he defended him. It was strange that Kurt had bounced from one object of obsession to another based on one meeting. But then again, he had done the same thing with Finn. And this guy actually attempted to have a conversation with him.<p>

As he and Mercedes proceeded to dry off his Navigator, the girl abruptly stopped and placed both her hands on the hood under the towel, her eyes fixed on Kurt.

"Is something wrong, Mercedes?" Kurt asked, hardly even looking in her direction.

"Okay, Kurt. This is like, what, the third time that we've gone out? Why don't we just… you know. Make it official?" Kurt glanced up and looked his friend in the eye.

"Make… what official?"

"You know… that we're dating," she grinned. Oh _God_. She was blushing. She was actually _serious_. Sure the two of them had been spending a lot of time together recently and he had been friendlier to her than others, but… she actually thought that they were seeing each other?

He actually kind of felt bad. Truth be told, Kurt thought that Mercedes was an amazing person and any guy would be lucky to date her. Any guy that was interested in _girls_ would be very lucky to have her. But how the hell was he supposed to break that to her? He couldn't. All he could do was stand there silently like an idiot.

"It's just that… I dunno, I really like you Kurt. And we've been hanging out so much, I just thought…"

"I like you too," Kurt interjected hurriedly. She beamed. God, Kurt felt horrible now. All he could feel was the wrenching sensation in his gut after having told that lie. Well, it wasn't a _complete_ lie. He did like Mercedes as a friend. But she really didn't need to know that right now.

"So… does that mean that we're… you know… boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Yeah… I guess that's exactly what it means." _Crap_.

"Well there's gonna be a little get-together at Finn's house later tonight; just us Glee kids… would you… maybe wanna go?"

_Finn_. Absolutely fan-_fucking_-tastic. His brand new _girlfriend_ was inviting him to the house of one of the most popular guys in school for an entire evening. An evening spent with everyone in the only group of people that he actually hung out with… at an outing where everyone could see them together. He couldn't pass that up. If they found out the truth… he really wouldn't have anything left. But at the same time, he knew in his heart that it was wrong to lead her on like this. Why was he doing this to her? And better yet, why was he doing this to _himself_?

"Sure… that sounds fun."

Her gleeful smile didn't do much to make him feel better. He simply forced one back at her, but the second her head ducked under the other side of the car, it disappeared from his face. Maybe he was looking at this the wrong way. Maybe now… maybe now he could actually try to be normal for once.

* * *

><p>Figures the only kids at Finn's that night were in Glee. It would be social suicide on Finn's part to invite anybody else. While Finn and Artie attempted to destroy each other on COD, Tina, Rachel, Kurt, and Mercedes were off on the other side of the room engaged in conversation about Mercedes and Kurt's <em>newfound love<em>. Mercedes did most of the talking though. Kurt just nodded and replied with single syllabic words when it was his time to speak.

"Hey, Kurt!" Finn called from across the room. Kurt turned towards the other two boys and they gestured for him to come over to their side.

"Excuse me," Kurt said, unlocking his arm from Mercedes'. She almost immediately went back to gossiping with Rachel and Tina while he strolled over to the couch where Finn and Artie resided.

"Yes?" he asked hesitantly, having never really been invited over by Finn to actually talk.

"So apparently, you're with Mercedes now?" Artie asked, obviously wanting to get straight to the point.

"Yes," Kurt muttered.

"So… have you two… ya know… done it yet?" Finn asked quietly. Kurt gasped.

"We just started… going out… this afternoon. And even if we had, that would be none of your business."

"I'm just saying… when Quinn agreed to be my girlfriend, I had kissed her in less than a minute. You two have been over here all evening and you've barely touched her."

Kurt was feeling extremely uncomfortable now. He hadn't thought that being Mercedes' boyfriend would involve… _doing_ stuff with her. He figured it would just be hand-holding, hanging out, pretty much the stuff that they did already. But there was one thing that he hadn't even thought about: when it comes to girls, straight male teenagers are pigs and they very are open about it.

"Well, what do you think I should do?" he asked. Finn and Artie exchanged glances and turned back to Kurt.

"Well for one… you should probably kiss her. Otherwise, she'll think you aren't interested," Artie explained.

"Here's what you can do… there's an empty room across the hall. Take her in there with you and… You know… do what couples do. Don't try to have sex with her or anything, _especially_ not in my house. But… get alone with her. Show her how interested you are," Finn whispered. Kurt swallowed hard.

"I… really don't know, Finn. I mean this is your house…"

"I am giving you permission. Dude… do you have any idea what this will do to your rep? What it'll do to all of our reps? If you can prove that you can get a girl, maybe people will finally stop tossing you in dumpsters. Maybe people will actually stop thinking that Glee club is gay."

"Yeah… I guess you're right," Kurt responded. The way that Finn had phrased it, though Kurt assumed that he meant well, still kind of hurt his feelings. And it was true; Kurt knew that he was… eccentric. And his entire life, he felt that it was what made him unique. But in actuality, it was the thing that held him back and kept him from getting ahead. And since just being in Glee Club already put them on the brink of social desolation, they all needed to try their hardest to be accepted. Especially Kurt.

"Mercedes," Kurt called. The named girl excused herself from her circle and walked over to Kurt, Finn, and Artie, a smile on her face.

"What's up, boo?"

Kurt bit his lip, attempting to hide the fear and uneasiness in his expression.

"I was thinking," he rose to his feet and took Mercedes' hand, "you and I should go somewhere more quiet… where we can be… alone."

"Are you… sure, Kurt? I mean, if that's what you want," Mercedes said, slowly. Kurt glanced back at Finn and Artie, who inconspicuously gave him an approving thumbs up.

"Yes… I'm sure."

"Well, let's go then," Mercedes beamed, guiding Kurt by the hand out of the room. What the hell was he getting himself into?

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><p><strong>Like I said, this project was just a thought that I had, so if you guys liked it and would like to see more, please let me know by leaving a review! If not, I'll just stick with BYS and focus on that :P<strong>


	2. Not Forever, Right?

**Thank you guys so much for all the awesome feedback! I appreciate your favorites and story alerts. I won't disappoint! Are you ready to get on with it? Okay, then. Let's go!**

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><p>"Kurt?"<p>

"Hmmm?" the singer replied dumbly. He had let his mind roam so freely that he completely forgot where he was. He turned his attention to Mercedes who sat right next to him on the bed in this otherwise empty room. She looked at him with concern in her eyes and Kurt knew for a fact that he was trembling.

"Are you okay? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," she said quietly, placing a hand on Kurt's knee.

"I'm fine… I'm just… nervous, I guess," he said. He turned his face towards hers and gave her a weak smile. _Nervous_. Please, he was scared as hell! Not to mention extremely uncomfortable. She scooted across the bed closer to Kurt and held his hand in hers.

"Don't be…" she whispered with a smile. Her face was getting closer… and closer… and closer. Oh dear God, she was about to do it. She was about to kiss him. _Just do it Hummel, just kiss her. Just close your eyes… and kiss her._

He closed his eyes slowly and simply let Mercedes take the lead. Kurt figured that when their lips touched, maybe it would clear everything up. Maybe after he had finally kissed a girl, he could be sure that he actually _was_ straight…but he was wrong. The kiss meant nothing to him. Their lips touched and he felt absolutely nothing, not even a tingle. It was more uncomfortable rather than clarifying. The way they parted also was incredibly awkward, seeing as how neither one of them really knew what they were doing. Both feeling the discomfort of the situation, they turned their heads away from each other and sat in silence for a moment.

"Hey, Kurt…"

"Yeah," Kurt muttered, barely even audible. He still wasn't facing Mercedes. There was a pause.

"You don't… you don't really like me do you…" Kurt turned back to her to see pain and confusion in her expression. The mere sight of it made Kurt physically ache.

"Mercedes, _of course_ I like you. That's a stupid question."

"You _know_ what I mean, Kurt," she said. It was true… Kurt knew exactly what she meant. He was just copping out to giving her a real answer. His lack of response apparently said it all because Mercedes proceeded to make the distance between them on the bed greater.

"Do you think I'm ugly or something? Maybe I'm a little too… big…"

"Don't even _say_ that, Mercedes! You are not ugly at all."

"Do you think I'm… attractive?"

"Of course, I do," Kurt actually took her hands in his own as he whispered the statement.

"Do you think I'm… you know… _hot_?"

"You are… a very beautiful girl, Mercedes," he said. The way she phrased the question made him even more uncomfortable. He would literally give anything to not have to have this conversation right now.

"That didn't answer my question, Kurt… are you… attracted to me?"

Kurt was seriously at a loss for words right now. She could see that he was acting weird. She knew that he was hiding something from her. But there was no way he could bring himself to answer this question truthfully. He would screw himself either way whether he said "yes" or "no". But once again, he didn't need to say a thing. Silence said it all. Kurt felt his eyes burning from tears that he tried so hard to hold back when Mercedes asked him the next question.

"Kurt… are you attracted to girls… at _all_?"

That was it. Kurt couldn't do this anymore. He could already feel a single tear streaming down his face. There was no point in lying, not to her. This had to happen right now and that was a fact.

"I want to be… I really, _really_ do…" he choked.

"But you aren't…" Mercedes turned away. Kurt couldn't help but let out a quiet sob. He was definitely crying now.

"So it's true… you _are_ gay," she whispered. Kurt's eyes turned to see that she was looking him straight in the eye. Kurt figured that she would've been upset or heartbroken. But her face was instead so full of compassion and understanding.

"Who told you that?" he said softly as he wiped away a tear from his eye.

"No one told me anything… not because they know it for a fact anyway. Rachel and Tina had a hunch and they confronted me about it, but then Quinn and Santana…"

Seconds passed and to each other's surprise, they both let out a simultaneous "I'm sorry."

"Wait, why are you sorry?" Kurt asked.

"For trying to push you into dating me… I just felt that since we were becoming such good friends and neither one of us has ever dated anybody before… and then when Quinn and Santana told me that you had feelings for me… I'm just sorry for making you uncomfortable."

"Cedes, if anybody should be apologizing, it should be me… I-I led you on. I wasn't honest with you from the start. I wanted to… to convince myself that I could like you like that; that I could like… _any_ girl like that… but now, I… I _know_ that I'm still a freak… and I still feel like shit," he was sobbing even harder now and couldn't bring himself to stop. He buried his face in his hands and felt Mercedes' gentle hand rubbing along his back.

"Kurt, you didn't choose this. And you are _not_ a freak… well… at least not because of your sexuality," Mercedes said jokingly. Kurt couldn't help but let out a tiny chuckle.

"I just don't understand… I don't understand why I can't just be normal. Why I can't be like Artie or Finn or any of those other football douches… I don't understand why it can't just be that easy for me like it is for them. I mean… why me?"

"Sometimes, being special comes at a price. You're different, Kurt; you're one of a kind. And you are an amazing person, no matter what anybody says. There is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with you. You aren't a freak… you're unique. There's a difference. God doesn't make mistakes. You are exactly who you were always meant to be, Kurt, and don't let anyone tell you any different. And you should be proud of you who are. Not only that, but you should tell people. Especially the kids in Glee! That club is all about being and expressing who you really are, and I think you'd be cheating yourself out of a bunch of amazing opportunities if you didn't take advantage of it."

Kurt couldn't find the words that explained how he felt right now. Here was the one that he had been hoping ages for; the one who would accept him and love him for who he was no matter what. He had actually found… a _friend_. But even with Mercedes' kind and encouraging words, things still lingered in the back of Kurt's mind.

"I'm scared, Mercedes… I'm scared of the talks and the looks and… I'm already harassed on a daily basis and I…I just… I just don't want anybody to know," he barely whispered. Mercedes patted him on the knee.

"I think you'd be surprised if you just gave people the benefit of the doubt. And either way, that's your decision. That is one thing that you _do_ have a choice about. You don't have to come out until you're ready to."

"If I ever even am," he muttered, wiping away another tear. There was a short-lived silence and the next thing Kurt knew, Mercedes had her arms wrapped around him in a tight, warm embrace. Kurt then took the opportunity and hugged her back as he completely surrendered himself and cried into her shoulder.

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><p>The following Monday went as usual. The only strange thing was that Kurt had gone literally an entire school day without receiving a shove into a locker from Puckerman and his football crew. He strode over to his locker to pick up his sheet music and if he could just make it to Glee in one piece, it would be a better day.<p>

But even though he had evaded physical harassment that day, his thoughts were still clouded and his spirits were still in an unusual funk from his revelation to Mercedes on Saturday night. That was the first time that he had ever told _anybody_ that… He always assumed that maybe if he just never said anything out loud that maybe the feelings would go away. But now, there was no turning back. And honestly, that was the thing that scared him to death. Even if not everyone knew, the truth was still out and there was no putting it back in.

Of course he didn't think that Mercedes would tell anyone; they were good friends after all. But still, the feeling of letting himself be completely open like that… he never felt more vulnerable before in his life.

He wasn't able to ponder much longer as he saw Finn and Artie making their way towards him. He had to pull himself together. _Act natural_.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" he asked. Finn shrugged absentmindedly as both he and Artie grinned at him childishly.

"What?"

"Well, it's just that… you know… Saturday night. You and Mercedes were in that room for a long time," Artie said. It was easy to see that they were trying to get at something. There was no way that they could know though, right?

"Yeah, well, you know how it is," Kurt shrugged, "things just kind of… happen in the heat of the moment."

"Well, that's cool, dude. Hope you were a gentleman," Finn beamed and Kurt grinned weakly at the two boys.

"Speaking of, how far did she let you get?" Artie asked.

"Well, you guys, I don't… I don't really kiss and tell…"

"Hey, what're you guys talking about?" the voice came from behind Finn and Kurt could hear his heart beating faster when he realized who it was. Finn stepped aside and Mercedes entered into their little circle.

"Oh, hey, Mercedes, we were just talkin' about how we didn't know that Kurt here was such a ladies man," Finn strode over to Kurt's side and clapped his hand on the smaller boy's shoulder. Mercedes eyed Finn peculiarly and then turned her gaze to Kurt.

_Please, don't say anything_. Kurt didn't need to interject; the look on his face said everything. He was begging and pleading Mercedes with his eyes.

"So… not to try and get up in anybody's business, but… how jealous should Finn and I be?" Artie asked. Mercedes looked down at him and there was a short pause. _This is it_, Kurt thought. But actually, the next thing he knew, Mercedes had walked over to him and planted a firm kiss on his lips that had to have lasted for at least five seconds. He tried to look natural, but he was having a hard time hiding the shock from his face. Mercedes parted and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"You two should be _very_ jealous," she stated. Finn and Artie chuckled.

"Wow, man. I didn't know you had it in you. Congrats. We'll see y'all at rehearsal," Finn said, giving Kurt a fist bump, which he awkwardly accepted, before heading over to the choir room with Artie at his side. Once they were out of sight, he immediately turned to Mercedes, pure astonishment visible on his face.

"Wha…?" was all he was able to get out.

"You're not ready to come out yet… that's okay. You seem pretty intent on keeping it a secret right now, so I'll do whatever it takes to help you do that. But just so you know, I really do hope you decide to come out soon. I'm not trying to pressure you, but… I won't pretend forever. I want you to know that right now."

Without even thinking, Kurt wrapped his arms around his friend in a tight hug. She patted his back and they separated. His hands gripped her shoulders and he looked her in the eye.

"It won't be forever… I promise. Thank you," he whispered. She nodded and made an attempt at a smile.

"Come on… we'll be late for Glee."

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><p><strong>Okay you guys, don't worry; Kurt being in the closet changes nothing… It's still a Kurtofsky fic :P Please leave reviews and I'll update as soon as I can!<strong>


	3. Ring On It!

**Okay, once again, I'm sorry for the late update. Been busy, yada yada yada… I know you don't really care because you've just been waiting for that notification, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?**

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><p><em>Now put your hands up!<br>Up in the club (club) we juss broke up (up)  
>I'm doin' my own little thang<br>Decided to dip (dip) but now you wanna trip (trip)  
>Cuz another brotha noticed me<br>I'm up on him (him) he up on me (me)  
>Don't pay him any attention<br>Cuz I cried my tears (tears) for three good years (years)  
>Ya can't get mad at me<em>

_Cause if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it  
>If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it<br>Don't be mad once ya see that he want it  
>If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it.<br>Oh oh oh_

The music came to an abrupt stop and Kurt froze mid-dance move. He glanced over at Mercedes and Tina and saw that they wore the same petrified expression while Brittany just simply looked lost. Kurt was almost too scared to even turn around but Mercedes made the move first and he had to see.

He attempted to completely regain his cool as if nothing had happened when he saw his father standing by the stairs, a deadpan expression on his face. Kurt's stomach did backflips as he realized that he had probably just been performing the most embarrassing thing that he would ever be caught doing by Burt. Kurt and Mercedes then exchanged inconspicuous nervous looks.

"Dad… uh… you're home early," he said with a self-conscious grin.

"Yeah… _Deadliest Catch_ is on. So, uh… what're you kids doin'?" he replied blankly. Kurt stammered.

"Oh, i-it's uh… w-we're doing, uh… well, y-you see…"

"It's… something for Glee club. Isn't that right, you guys?" Mercedes said firmly. Kurt, Tina, and Brittany nodded like idiots at the response. Burt eyed them suspiciously.

"Kurt… what are you wearing?"

"It's… a unitard. It flicks sweat from the body, so it's good for dancing and rehearsing choreography. Guys wear them to… you know, work out these days. Like… with sports and stuff," he looked over at Mercedes who beamed and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. F-f-football," Tina said. Kurt's eyes widened as he gave Tina a quick "what-the-actual-hell" look before turning back to face Burt.

"Yeah, um… all the football guys wear these now. It's kind of a thing," Kurt said as he decided that it couldn't hurt to go along with it. But then Brittany made one comment that literally made his heart stop for a second.

"Yeah, Kurt's like totally on the football team now." Kurt turned his head towards her slowly, his eyes wide once more.

"Yeah, h-he's a kicker. That's the s-s-smallest guy on the t-team, right?" Tina added. _Really_? Kurt just couldn't catch a break today. Why the hell were they telling him this? Kurt was about to come clean but it actually seemed like his dad was buying it with the way that he was nodding. He turned to Kurt and there was a long pause.

"Hmmm… really… I didn't know you were interested in football, Kurt."

"Well, yeah, I mean… what's not to love?" he replied softly. Burt looked over the group of teens skeptically before letting out a small sigh.

"You know, I used to play in J.C. before I screwed up my knee poppin' wheelies on my dirt bike."

"Uh… cool. I guess that means that you and I will… have something to talk about," he chuckled foolishly. Burt merely nodded his head, that vacant expression still on his face.

"So, is one of you three his girlfriend?" he inquired. Kurt immediately pulled Mercedes close to him and gripped her hand tight. She did the same, beaming all the while.

"Mercedes and I have been dating for about a week now," Kurt stated.

"It's t-true," commented Tina. There was another short silence.

"Alright," Burt huffed as he turned to walk up the stairs, "y'all just keep the music down… I can't concentrate." Kurt and the girls turned away from the staircase and he and Mercedes were no longer compelled to keep their faces straight. Kurt let out a sigh of relief, but turned back to the stairs when his father called out his name once more.

"Be sure to get me a ticket to your first game," he said before disappearing up the stairs.

"You got it, dad." _Crap_.

* * *

><p>"Finn!" Kurt called out after the jock as soon as everyone else had cleared the choir room that Friday afternoon. The named boy turned around to face Kurt.<p>

"I need your help with something," he said. Finn chuckled.

"If you want me to help you get Mercedes to put out, I don't think I can help you. Quinn barely lets me get past second base and she's not having sex any time soon."

"No, no, no, not… _that_," Kurt tried to kill the visual, "I… want to join the football team. And I need your help."

"That's funny, dude… wait, you're… you're actually serious?" the taller boy replied after seeing the hard expression on Kurt's face.

"Does it look like I'm joking?"

"Well… no…"

"Then will you help me?"

"Uh…"

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't see how anyone could possibly find this fun. All the running and crashing and dirtiness… why would anyone in their right mind put themselves through this? He got sore from just watching these boys beat the crap out of each other…<p>

"Hey. Just relax, okay?" Finn said as he stretched out his legs, "Remember what I told you: keep your eye on the ball and…"

Though it wasn't his intention to do so, Kurt had completely tuned out all of the following things that came out of Finn's mouth because he had managed to spot a boy on the other side of the field. The football player who wore the seventy-seven jersey had taken off his helmet and Kurt could easily see now that it was the guy that helped him out earlier that week… David Karofsky. It was strange… even though he was plastered in mud and grass stains and he wore that hideous football uniform… he was kind of… _beautiful_. Kurt's breath hitched when he found that David had done a double take and spotted him. Kurt could see that David was also trying to put him into focus, but the bright grin that he flashed at Kurt after realizing who he was made the singer's stomach swoon.

"KURT!" Finn's hand was suddenly gripping Kurt's shoulder and the shorter boy was brought back into reality.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" he asked. Kurt swallowed. Could Finn have seen him checking the other jock out?

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you… eye on the ball, hike… pigskin, fourty-two," Kurt mumbled off.

"Alright," Finn grinned. _Wow. That was easy_.

"Now put your helmet on."

"Um… I don't think so, Finn."

"Dude, you have to."

"It'll mess up my hair!"

"Dude…"

"Alright, fine!" Kurt proceeded to placing the large football helmet over his face. This helmet was far too big for him; he could barely keep it from covering up his eyes. Finn chuckled.

"Thanks for helping me with this, Finn… you're a pretty cool guy," Kurt said sincerely. The taller boy shrugged.

"Well, I figure the more versatility between football and Glee, the easier all of our lives will be, right? Everybody wins."

Kurt turned to walk over to his stereo.

"Wait… Kurt, what're you doing?" Finn said, grabbing him by the shoulder.

"Uh… getting my music?"

"What, are you insane? You can't use that here."

"Finn, it's okay. We used it when we were rehearsing, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I had to run a lot of interference by these guys just so you could _try out_. If you do it your way, they're gonna kill you, Kurt!"

"Trust me, Finn. I know what I'm doing. And I am doing this thing _my_ way," Kurt said as he made his way over to the football coach. Tanaka eyed him peculiarly at first sight, but Kurt didn't let that stop him. He knew what he could do.

"Hi, my name is Kurt Hummel and I would like to audition for kicker."

* * *

><p><em>I'm up on him (him) he up on me (me)<br>Don't pay him any attention  
>Cuz I cried my tears (tears) for three good years (years)<br>Ya can't get mad at me_

_Cause if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it  
>If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it<br>Don't be mad once ya see that he want it  
>If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it.<br>Oh oh oh  
>Oh oh oh oh oh oh<br>Oh oh oh  
>Oh oh oh<em>

The second that Kurt's foot made contact with the ball, the laughing and mocking from the jocks that observed him came to a complete halt. All eyes were on the football which glided perfectly up into the air and over the goal post. Seconds passed in silence as all of the McKinley Titans knelt on their knees in awe motionless.

"How was that?" Kurt shouted as he turned to face the football team and coach Tanaka. Kurt saw that while the other football guys were simply mesmerized to the point of speechlessness, David looked up at him with a curious smirk and fascinated eyes. The singer tried hard not to make eye contact with the boy, but he could feel himself flushing anyway and a tiny grin appeared on his lips.

"Gentlemen… I think we've found ourselves a kicker."

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked it! Had to sprinkle a little Kurtofsky moment in there. I know it's small, but to me it still counts ;) Now I wanna say a few things:<strong>

**I know that Mercedes wasn't in the room when Kurt got caught, but since she's his beard and all, it seemed appropriate to slip her in there :3**

**I know this chapter was mainly canon, but it sets up for a lot more of the story and I hope you enjoyed what I did with it. From this point on, it is officially an AU! Just had to get those bits in there and change it up a little bit. I'll try to update sooner rather than later! Leave reviews please!**


	4. The Release Point

**May I just say that it has been absolutely devastating to be away! Sorry. Can't say that it won't happen again, but I can at least try to keep it from happening so often! I know y'all have been waiting and I can finally deliver! **

**Hope it's worth the wait. Here goes! Chapter 4. No long explanations or excuses… just dig in!**

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><p>The rest of the football team had made their way into the locker room while Kurt remained outside on the field. It was hot. Kurt was covered in sweat and dirt, and though he absolutely couldn't stand it, he figured that it was better than being trapped in a locker room with other sweaty, dirty, half-naked boys… or fully naked boys; who knew what they were up to right now.<p>

It had only been about five minutes since Tanaka told them to hit the showers, so it wasn't really enough time for any of the guys to suspect that something was up or even notice that Kurt wasn't there with them. Just a few more minutes… then Kurt would go in, take his shower with no one around, and then be on his merry way.

To pass the time until he was sure that he'd be safe, he practiced throwing the football across the field. He was unsurprised when he discovered that it didn't travel very far. His aim was incredibly off as well. When he would try to throw it straight, it somehow managed to wander far off course to the left. Maybe it was the wind? Or maybe he was just a horrible thrower. Yeah, it was definitely the latter. To be honest, Kurt had never really been able to succeed in… well, any kind of sport. So naturally, football shouldn't be an exception. One would think that he would have thought about that before he decided to join the team. Beyoncé may have saved his life today, but deep down, Kurt knew that it would never come through in a real game.

Seriously, who does that? Kurt had a feeling that it would work. In all honesty, he absolutely knew for a fact that it would work. But how would that come in handy if he actually got on the team? Sure, he could be a top-notch kicker, but… there was more to football than that. Well… that's what Kurt assumed anyway. He had never really paid much attention to the sport on television and had never been to a high school game because most of his tormentors were on the team. And of course that brought up a whole other strain of thoughts. Would these guys even accept him on their team? Tanaka may be the coach, but he really has no power. It's not like you can _make_ someone like someone, or even tolerate them. Over all in Kurt's mind, he wondered if his big plan to impress his dad was even possible of pulling off.

That was it… his dad. Burt didn't really get excited about anything. And if he did, Kurt never knew. Since Kurt's mother died eight years ago, the singer never really saw his father express much. He wasn't an unhappy man, he was just… he wasn't very open about his feelings. If you got to talking about football or fishing or anything "manly", Burt would be all over it. It wasn't like Burt was unsupportive of Kurt's recent Glee activities, he just… didn't really understand much. And to think, the only reason that Kurt was even here was because a freaking Cheerio couldn't keep her mouth shut. Why did she even do that, anyway? The only one who actually knew that he was gay had been Mercedes, and Kurt knew for a fact that she wouldn't tell anyone. Not after their moment at Finn's house. But of course being on the football team would take care of that, _of course_ it would. Kurt could retreat further back into the closet and attempt to carry out his façade as a straight teenager. It was an idea, at least. Finn was right about one thing; with Mercedes as his beard and his reputation as a football player, it could be possible that people wouldn't find out his secret. And as far as Kurt was concerned, that was a good thing… kind of.

Kurt figured that the best way to just stop thinking about everything would be to chunk the football as far as he could. He pulled his arm back and thrust the ball towards the goalpost. Naturally and expectedly, it went off in a completely random direction nowhere near to where Kurt had been aiming. Maybe if he tried to throw it anywhere _but_ the goal…

"Looks like you might need a little help," Kurt heard a voice say from behind. _Crap_. All of the guys were supposed to be in the locker room! Kurt immediately turned on his heel and saw the sweaty, muddy, broad-shouldered David Karofsky facing him, helmet in hand. He was flashing Kurt that same curious grin that Kurt couldn't help but become captivated by every single time…

"It's… Kurt, right?" David asked. Kurt nodded like an idiot, trying hard to conceal his self-conscious grin.

"That's right… Karofsky?" Kurt obviously knew the boy's name, so he had no idea why he phrased it like a question. It didn't matter now, though. Dave nodded slowly as he strolled to go pick up the football on the side of the field.

"What are you doing out here?" the jock inquired.

"Oh, you know, just… practicing my throws, because… that's how you play football." _Wow. Way to go, Captain Obvious, of course that's how you play football; you don't need to tell _him_ that. You are so lame; he probably thinks you're an idiot already._

Surprisingly, David chuckled at his little comment. God, this kid had a cute laugh…

"Yeah… you seem to be having a little trouble."

"Only a little." _Wow, it really is obvious that you throw like a girl, isn't it?_

"You, uh… want some help or something? I could give you some tips and whatnot," he smirked as he tossed the football between his hands.

"Y-yeah… sure, that'd be… that'd be cool, I guess," Kurt said coolly. The older boy proceeded to walk over in Kurt's direction and stand directly behind him.

There was something peculiar about the amount of distance between David's front and Kurt's back. Even though they weren't physically touching, Kurt could still feel David radiating off of him somehow. Maybe it was his aura or something, Kurt had no clue, but it felt… _incredibly_ nice. Kurt could feel his heart start to pick up speed as Dave extended his own right arm over Kurt's as he offered the ball, which Kurt gratefully took.

"Alright, the first thing is to make sure that you have a good grip; not too light, not too hard," he placed his hand on top of Kurt's as he moved the soprano's fingers to the proper position along the ball. Kurt could feel the heat building up in his face when he found that Dave's hand still covered his own even after the ball was in the correct placement in Kurt's palm.

"Keep your eyes on the target and your shoulders parallel. Point your pivot foot at the goalpost… that's your foot that's on the opposite side of your throwing arm," he chuckled the last statement after seeing Kurt's look of utter confusion.

"Okay," Kurt breathed as he did what he was told. He planted his left foot firmly in front of him.

"Arc the throw about a half circle from start to finish," Kurt's breath silently hitched when David moved their arms together as one in an arcing motion. He demonstrated this form about three or four times to make sure that Kurt was catching on, but Kurt was all too infatuated by the way David's body enveloped around his so perfectly. In this moment in time, it really didn't matter that the both of them were sweaty or dirty or even that Kurt's hair was messed up from that hideous football helmet. Kurt just felt like he could stay in this boy's embrace for an eternity. Kurt's heart skipped a beat when the jock leaned forward to where his face was incredibly close to the singer's ear.

"Find your release point…" David breathed into Kurt's ear and it made the younger boy nearly crumble to his knees. His stomach was doing flips and turns until finally, he and David thrust the ball all the way down the field over the goalpost. Flabbergasted for a multitude of reasons, Kurt simply watched in awe as the football went over the goal and hit the grass on the other side. He turned his face to the beaming David behind him and smiled widely.

"See? You're a natural," he smirked. Kurt's green eyes locked firmly on David's hazel ones and the shared a deep gaze for a good three seconds. Suddenly remembering where he was and who he was with, Kurt looked away and cleared his throat while David bit his bottom lip and turned his face towards the other side of the field.

"So, uh… that dancing thing this afternoon; the Beyoncé bit… I thought that was pretty cool," the athlete said, turning his attention back to Kurt.

"Oh, that… it, uh… it was fun. I'm sure everyone else thought it was ridiculous."

"Well, that doesn't really matter considering it actually worked," David chuckled.

"Guess not," Kurt smirked.

"Where did that come from anyway?"

"Just something that… me and some of my Glee friends…"

"Glee?"

_Crap_. This was it. Of course, it was incredibly stupid to bring up that fact that he was a member of the laughing stock of McKinley High.

"So, you're a singer?" David grinned. _Whew_.

"Yeah, well, kind of. You know..."

"I'd really love to come see one of you guys' shows sometime."

"_Really_?"

"Yeah, why not? I love music! I was a huge band geek in junior high, but you know, it was either that or football, so… and I also saw you guys do that _Push It_ number, which was really… _wow_."

_Wow_ was right. Looking back on it now, that probably wasn't the best route to go in order to gain support… But hey, if David was still offering after that whole debacle.

"Oh, you saw that, huh? Yeah, not our finest moment… but that'd be great! I mean, our Invitational is actually coming up really soon. It's kind of like a show so that everyone can get a taste of what we're going to be doing at competition. We've got Sectionals coming up, so we're looking for all the support we can get."

"Well, you can count me in. Just let me know when it is, and… I'll be there," David smiled. Kurt could seriously just take in that smile all day. On the outside, he remained tranquil and passive, but on the inside… he was basically dying. It was getting harder and harder for Kurt to not let his feelings show so easily. Especially around David… but the jock could never know, so Kurt tried to maintain his poker face at least, even if the sound of his voice gave him away.

"Cool," he breathed. There was a brief moment of silence between them and David patted him once on the shoulder.

"C'mon. We'd better get back to the others before Tanaka realizes we're missing."

"Right… wouldn't want that."

Kurt and David made their way back inside the school side by side. It was difficult for Kurt to even let ten seconds go by without him attempting to steal glances at this guy, which he tried to make as inconspicuous as possible. Thankfully, to Kurt's knowledge, David didn't seem to notice.

Well, it was finally safe to say that Kurt was completely over Finn. It was official. Kurt Hummel was madly in love with one David Karofsky.

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><p><strong>I'd planned for this chapter to be longer, but I kinda got carried away with the Kurtofsky moment… sorry! :P Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! And I know it's a little early for Kurt to fall in love, but he falls extremely fast in canon, so blame them, not me! Leave reviews please and I'll update as soon as I can!<strong>


	5. Thrill of Victory, Walk of Shame

**Alright you guys, finals are finally over for me! So that should shorten a span of the time in between updates. So anyway, here's a little treat for all you loving and faithful readers Now… who's ready for some football!**

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><p>Though Kurt never in a million years thought that he'd be on the football field during an actual game, he felt quite at home under the bright stadium lights. Truth be told, it felt just like being on stage surrounded by an audience. Sure he was outside, he was starting to sweat, the game hadn't even begun yet, and he was in this absolutely horrendous uniform. But in a way, it actually felt kind of nice. Having the screaming audience shout at him, out of praise rather than discouragement, was a foreign concept to Kurt. He finally understood what being on this team was about. It wasn't about actually playing the game, of course; honestly, he still didn't care much for football. It was about the fame and glory that came with it all; the popularity and the recognition. Knowing that hundreds of people came to see <em>him<em> play and were cheering _him_ on… it was unreal. Sure, they weren't really cheering for him _specifically_, but Kurt would take what he could get.

After that atrocious, beat down rendition of the National Anthem had finished playing over the speakers, the McKinley Titans huddled together one last time before the game started to run over the plans once more. Finn and David, though still part of the circle, seemed to stand more in the center than anyone else. All eyes were immediately on them, so Kurt figured that he would do the same. Sure, it was a great excuse just to look at David, but nobody else had to know that. Then again, if Kurt didn't know any better, he'd say that maybe Dave just happened to be taking small peeks at him also. Maybe it was a trick of the light or something.

"Alright you guys," Finn started, glancing around at each of the football players, "well, I think we uh... really came together this week… as a team."

David nodded in agreement and Kurt did the same, an ecstatic smile on his face.

"Yeah, a _gay_ team," Puck interjected, earning a discreet burning glare from Kurt, "a big gay team of dancing _gays_."

"Dude, come on man, that's not cool. Let it go, Puckerman," David said firmly.

"Karofsky, man, come on," said another Titan. There were more grunts and affirmations made by various football players.

"It was fun and stuff at practice, but… seriously. We can't do that out here in front of everybody."

"Yeah, man, it'll make us even more of a joke than we already are."

Kurt tried his hardest to conceal it, but he had the worst feeling that he was turning red right now. He attempted to look anywhere but at the football players who backed Puckerman. He then managed to make eye contact with Karofsky for a split second before the older jock opened his mouth to speak.

"Look, you guys. You can complain and bitch however much you want about how _stupid_ you think we'll look or how _lame_, but honesty, it won't make a difference. Like y'all said, we're already a joke. Seriously, what could it hurt? Do you guys wanna just give it up now and confirm our loser status? Or… do you wanna try and win this thing?"

The team exchanged looks all around before ultimately throwing on their helmets and making their way down the field. Finn and Dave followed suit.

"Hey, Karofsky, wait up!" Kurt called after the boy. David turned around and greeted Kurt with a friendly grin.

"Yeah, what's up, man?"

_God_, this happened far too frequently… every time Kurt would muster up the words to try and start a conversation with this man, the moment he flashed that big approachable grin, Kurt was suddenly at a loss.

"Uh… I just wanted to say that… that was a good pep talk you gave. I think that… we're gonna kick some serious tail tonight!"

"Well, let's hope that our teammates can get their heads out of their asses long enough to actually score a point," Dave chuckled. Kurt joined in and there was about two second moment of silence.

"Hey, Karofsky, uh…"

"Dave."

"What?"

"You keep calling me Karofsky. Call me Dave," he said simply. Kurt grinned.

"Okay… _Dave_," Kurt dragged the name out, seeing how it felt on his tongue. It definitely had a nice ring to it.

"_Yes_?" he drawled out in mock response, a smirk on his face.

"You don't uh… about the dance. You don't think it's… well, it's not _gay_ is it?" Kurt chuckled, putting an emphasis on the word with a roll of his eyes. Dave took a moment to ponder, which Kurt knew wasn't a good sign.

"Well, it's… it's _different_. It's definitely not something I've ever seen a football team do before. But it's fun, dude! Don't let these clowns get you down; they think everything is gay. It was a good idea, man, trust me."

"Yeah," Kurt laughed quietly, his eyes peering ever more towards the ground. He then felt a firm hand grip his shoulder and he looked up into Dave's encouraging face.

"You got this, man, okay? It's all you; don't worry about it."

"Okay," Kurt breathed as the boy lifted his hand. The older boy beamed down at him.

"Okay. Let's do this."

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><p>To say that the game wasn't going well would have been the biggest understatement ever. They were in the Third Quarter and were losing zero to six. Tensions were high amongst the team and anxiety was evident in every single one of them. Kurt saw that even David, one of the most collected and easy-going guys on the team, was clearly pissed beyond all recognition. Kurt's ears were subject to vast eruption of muttered obscenities from his teammates as they walked back towards the sidelines.<p>

Kurt glanced up at the bleachers and the screaming crowd's yells of encouragement had been transformed into bellows of frustration. But among those angry faces, Kurt managed to spot one that stood out among all of them. There, in the stands, climbing back up to his seat after purchasing some refreshments was none other than Burt Hummel. Ecstatic, Kurt waved wildly up at the stands.

"Dad! Dad! Hey, dad, look! I told you! I told you! Didn't I tell you?"

Burt made a tiny gesture to acknowledge that he indeed saw Kurt. Beaming, the singer turned back to the football field. The uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach from losing a home game was replaced with a sudden joy. His dad actually _came_. Not only that, but now was his chance to finally prove that he could do something; that he could be something other than his voice. He was going to make Burt proud tonight and that was all that mattered.

But of course, as the game continued, things didn't improve. They were still losing zero to six and it was the Fourth Quarter now. _The Fourth Quarter_. With ten seconds left on the clock. Kurt had come down from his momentary high to an even lower place than when the game first began. Disappointment filled the air and it was evident that the Titans weren't even trying anymore. But as the timer winded down to two seconds, Finn called an immediate time-out, to everyone's confusion.

In the huddle, Finn, Dave, and Puck went at it like nobody's business while the other football players merely watched.

"Dude, we have to do it!"

"Hell frigging no, man! We will be _jokes_ for the rest of our high school lives!"

"Which fucking part of we're already jokes don't you understand! If you guys would get your heads out of your asses, maybe we could take this thing! You guys have already given up and the other team sees that. They see it and their taking advantage of it- no wait, that's not what they're doing- what they're doing is making us their bitch! And you're telling me you'd rather be whiny and pitiful than _do_ something about it?" David bellowed. Puck and Finn went silent and David regained his composure.

"Look, I don't wanna be a Lima loser for the rest of my life… and I know y'all don't either. So come on…"

Apparently, that last comment struck something in Puckerman because he had no witty or derogatory response to it. He simply exhaled and hung his head slightly.

"Yo, left tackle!" one of the opposing football players shouted. Puck turned around and the others did the same, even though they weren't addressed.

"Yo mama's so fat, she gets in the bathtub and the neighbor's toilets overflow!"

"Hey, ankle grabber! I banged your mother. No, seriously. I cleaned her pool, and then I gave it to her. In your bed. Nice Spider-Man sheets, by the way." Puck's rebuttal earned him a couple of chuckles from the team and the said ankle grabber went silent. Puck turned back and faced the team.

"Let's do this, captain."

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><p><em>All the single ladies (all the single ladies)<br>__All the single ladies (all the single ladies)  
><em>_Now put your hands up!_

God, this was absolutely going to be one of the most memorable events in McKinley High history. The high school football team… was dancing… during an actual game… to the _Single Ladies_. Despite the fact that most of them were a bunch of floundering Neanderthals, their movements were actually pretty fluid.

_Cuz if ya like it, then ya shoulda put a ring on it  
><em>_Cuz if ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it  
><em>_Oh oh oh_

"HIKE!"

The next few seconds were kind of a blur. Not just for Kurt, but apparently for everyone else also. The rest of the team attempted to figure out what had just happened. Finn had thrown the ball, it was in the air for a while, and the next thing they knew… Puck was running it down the field. And wait… a touchdown? Did they actually just even the score?

Kurt watched and replayed the scene in his head. This couldn't have been right. But there was no denying it… this just happened. _Wow_.

"It's all you, kid," Kurt heard Tanaka speak behind him.

"If you pull this off… then we win. If you can pull this off, Hummel… you can die a hero…"

At a loss for anything else to say, Kurt had to respond with the very first thing that was on his mind.

"I have to pee…"

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><p>Kurt was very subject to believe that he had just had an out-of-body experience. He didn't know how it happened, but somewhere in between the final "oh, oh, oh" and the thunderous applause, he had won the game. Him! Kurt Hummel scored the winning point for the McKinley high school Titans. Following his elaborate victory dance, he saw that Puckerman was approaching him. Instinctively, he flinched when he saw the jock's hand extend out of fear of a brutal punch.<p>

"Open your eyes, dude, I'm not gonna hit you," he said. Kurt cracked his eyes open and saw that Puckerman's hand was extended to grip his in a warm handshake. Slowly and reluctantly, Kurt took it and returned the weak smile that the older boy gave him.

"You did good today, dude."

"Thanks, Puck… you too." It felt weird addressing his (former?) tormentor as "Puck", but… Kurt saw it as a good sign when the boy grinned at him instead of punching the crap out of him for calling him by a friendly nickname. That feeling was short-lived, though, as soon as Puckerman opened his mouth to speak again.

"I guess you're not such a fag after all."

"That's funny! No! Seriously? Come on, man," Kurt chuckled awkwardly.

Kurt let his playful grin die as Puck turned to leave. As much as he couldn't wait to share this victory with his dad, Kurt really wanted to find David right now. None of this would have been possible without him. Heck, Kurt probably wouldn't have even stayed on the team long enough to win this game if it weren't for Karofsky. And that pep talk before and during the game… Kurt had to find him. David needed to be congratulated for keeping the team together.

The fans were clearing out and Kurt looked around the field to finally find David talking to someone on the sidelines. His eyes were bright and excitement was the only visible emotion on his features. Kurt beamed as he ran over to the boy.

But Kurt's spirits sank as soon as they had risen when he saw that Dave was talking to a trio of cheerleaders. It wasn't so much the fact that he was talking to them that got Kurt down; Kurt talked to girls all the time. The thing that got him upset was that these girls weren't exactly ugly. And they seemed to be very interested in him with the way they were touching him and flirting with him. And not only that, but… David really didn't seem to mind it.

What was Kurt thinking? Of course David was going to be hit on by every girl in this school. He was a football player, he was popular… he was good-looking. In what kind of world would he be friends with someone like Kurt Hummel? Kurt's stomach churned and turned even more at the sight of one of the girls kissing him on the cheek as he smiled and went along with it.

_Figures_, he thought. His desire to run over and leap into David's arms was still there, but his morale was totally deflated. Instead, he slowly made his way inconspicuously off of the field and left his teammates to relish in the thrill of victory.

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><p><strong>Woo! I had planned on adding to rest of "Preggers" to this chapter, but it was already 2,327 words. But I promise we'll be out of "Preggers" soon! Lol hope you guys liked it and I really hope it was worth the wait! But like I said, with finals out of the way, I'll have more time to write! Please leave some nice reviews and I'll see you all at the next appointed time!<strong>


	6. So Close, But So Freaking Far Away

**Here's another update! Hoped to have it up sooner, but at least the wait was manageable this time :P I will not neglect my responsibilities as a writer, though, so don't worry. I love the feedback for this story and I appreciate it so much so keep it coming! Let's go!**

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><p>His mind full and his heart heavy, Kurt slowly walked down to the auditorium from the football field, positive that no one would really notice his absence. This was a feeling of lowness that Kurt hadn't felt in a long time; he hadn't even made the effort to get out of this uniform and wash himself off. He should be happy. He just won the first McKinley high school football game in… well, who knows how long. He was a big deal now. But seeing Dave with those Cheerios… just the mere sight of it stirred up hopeless emotions in the soprano.<p>

Honestly, Kurt didn't know why it came as such a surprise. He should have seen it coming. He had been down this road with Finn and undoubtedly it would have been the same with David; hopeless. It was always the same story. He would just have to face facts that he wouldn't find anybody who understood him and shared his lot in life. At least, he wouldn't find anyone like that any time soon.

It should have been obvious that Dave… that _Karofsky_ was into girls. Seriously, why wouldn't he be? Guys like David… guys like Puck, guys like Finn, guys like everyone at this school… they aren't like guys like Kurt. They have it so easy. They can pick and choose from a variety of options of who to date and spend time with. But Kurt got the short end of the stick. This life he had, the hand he was dealt… it doomed him to be forever alone. And he just had to accept that.

But as hard as he tried, Kurt just couldn't stop thinking of David. He was an idiot to ever think that there was hope. In all honesty, he should have been able to tell at first glance that nothing would ever happen. He should have used his common sense to see that David was straight… but he let his imagination run away with him.

And of course, that brought into question everything that they had been through together. David helping Kurt pick up his things after Puckerman shoved him… all those intrigued and awestruck smiles… the closeness between he and David when the older boy tried to show him how to throw a football. _Crap_. The connection that Kurt felt in all of these moments… was it possible that he had just made it all up in his head?

That was the thing that hurt the most. Kurt had legitimately believed that he and David had some kind of connection because… it was there, right? It was blatantly obvious between them; some things just can't be made up. But either way, the feeling that Kurt had read way too much into those little encounters than there actually was made him literally ache.

He had no one to blame for this but himself. He _let_ himself believe that there was hope. He _let_ himself feel and attachment to David. He _let_ himself actually believe that he was in love with the boy. And now because he let all of his walls down and opened himself to a whole world of beliefs and possibilities, he was experiencing a new level of hurt that he didn't even know existed.

Kurt was a hopeless romantic; anyone could see that. And in order to truly believe in romance, one must also believe in heartbreak. When everyone always said that "love is pain", Kurt always took that as loving another person so much until you just couldn't take it anymore and it hurt. He imagined that it was a good kind of pain. But this… Kurt never expected to hurt this badly over something that might have been. He and Dave never even dated, so Kurt couldn't really be heartbroken over a lost relationship. But all the hope that Kurt had been filled with the past week and a half… it was just _gone_. Just like that.

It wasn't David's fault, though. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't capable of loving Kurt the way that the singer had wanted. Even if he was, it wasn't David's fault that he didn't feel that way. The jock was interested in girls; specifically, pretty blonde Cheerios with breasts and whatnot. Kurt could have lived with that. But the fact that he was so close… he was on the brink only to have it snatched away. He quickened his pace down the hall to the auditorium. He knew that no one would be in the school right now to see him, but the tears were already falling down his cheeks and it would have been better for him to cry his heart out in the comfort of a safe haven rather than the neutral, watching halls of McKinley.

Thankfully, they hadn't locked up the auditorium. Once inside the dark, empty theater, Kurt strolled down towards the stage and sat at the piano, folding his arms on top if it and burying his face in those arms. He let the tears splash on the piano as his body shook from sobbing. After a good minute of crying, he sat up and knew what he had to do. Life sucks; that's a given fact. But one thing you can always do is get up and sing about it. Would it make the situation better? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. But all his life, Kurt has known no better way to express himself.

Kurt began playing a soft, gentle melody on the piano. He sniffled one last time before letting his voice and the words on his mind and in his heart echo clearly through the room.

_Hands touch… eyes meet…_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat._

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl…_

_He could be that boy… but I'm not _that_ girl…_

The singer chuckled slightly as he began the last verse. It was true. David was everything that he ever wanted and everything that he could have imagined being right. But the fact was, even though Dave was the boy of Kurt's dreams, there was no real hope for them… because Kurt was not a girl…

_Don't dream… too far…_

_Don't lose sight of who you are._

_Don't remember that rush of joy…_

_He could be that boy… I'm not that girl…_

Kurt couldn't let himself dream of being with Dave. And more importantly, he couldn't allow himself to remember the happiness and security that he felt when he was around him. "Don't lose sight of who you are"… how much truer could that have been? Even if the possibility of Kurt and Dave were there, it could never come true. Kurt's been living a lie this entire time and probably would be for the rest of his life. There was no way that he could live an honest, authentic life with someone like David, no matter how much he wanted to. The tears continued to fall as he resumed singing.

_Every so often, we long to steal_

_To the land of what-might-have-been_

_But that doesn't soften the ache we feel_

_When reality sets back in _

He had been living in that fairy tale. It wasn't ideal, but he was painting up a facade of optimism in his own mind, which of course only made the fall harder.

_Blithe smile… Lithe limb_

_She who's winsome… _SHE_ wins him_

_Gold hair with a gentle curl…_

_That's the girl he chose…_

_And Heaven knows…_

_I'm not that girl…_

The words that passed through Kurt's lips and bounced off the auditorium walls were becoming far too real to even stand.

_Don't wish… don't start…_

_Wishing only wounds the heart…_

_I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl…_

_There's a girl I know… he loves her so…_

_I'm not… that girl…_

All the wishes, all the desires that Kurt sought after… all they were doing was hurting him now. He always knew that he was different and he had a feeling that life would be harder for him because of that. But now, he just succumbed to the idea that maybe, he wasn't meant for love. As he finished playing the final notes on the piano, Kurt allowed himself to collapse on top of it in a fit of silent tears and whimpers.

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><p>Kurt had succeeded in getting home that night without a lot of hassle. He managed to avoid David, the rest of the football team, the Glee Club, and his dad with ease so he could lock himself up in his room for the rest of the night in peace and quiet. At least that was his plan until he saw Burt Hummel appear behind him in the reflection of the mirror during his nightly skincare treatment.<p>

They acknowledged each other's presence, but not so much with words. It was more of them awkwardly nodding at each other back and forth.

"Nighttime skincare is a big part of my postgame ritual," Kurt said, finally breaking the silence. Burt nodded slowly.

"Well, I'm… not really sure what to say about that, but uh…"

Kurt stared up at Burt's reflection, eager and nervous for him to finish the sentence.

"I was really proud of you tonight, Kurt… your mom would have been proud of you. I wish she could have been there; I mean… _alive_."

"Thanks," Kurt said softly. This was the first time that his mom had come up in several months. His stomach began to turn for more reasons than one now. With his mother gone, Burt was the only family that Kurt had left. And if he couldn't share his biggest secret with him, then…

"Dad," Kurt called out as his father turned to leave. Burt stopped and turned back around to face his son, hands in pockets. Kurt exhaled as he stood up and looked the older man straight in the eyes.

"There's something I need to say…"

"What's up, son?" Burt replied. Kurt cleared his throat.

"I'm glad you're proud of me. And I just… I just wanted to say that… I…" _Come on, just say it!_

"What is it, Kurt?"

That was it. As much as he wanted to tell the truth and come out to his father, Kurt just couldn't do it. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but they simply wouldn't leave his mouth. He wanted to just get it out of the way, but the fear and anxiety kept his words at bay. It was like diving into the deep end of a pool for the first time; so reluctant and hesitant. But once you just stop thinking about it and actually jump, the worst part would be over. But as hard as he tried… Kurt just couldn't jump.

"I'm just… really glad you came tonight."

Burt sighed and hung his head slightly before looking back up at his son, his eyes lazy and unreadable.

"Me too, kiddo… me too." And with that, Burt left the room. Slowly, Kurt felt something build up inside him; a whole new kind of hurt, different from the one he experienced earlier this evening, but just as painful, if not more. Once he was sure that Burt was out of earshot, he closed the door and thrust himself down onto his bed in a fit of frustration. He groaned and writhed about, throwing his fists around aimlessly before finally grabbing a pillow and stuffing it over his face so he could drown his sobs into it. He was _so close_. But when the time came, he chickened out and completely and utterly _choked_. It wasn't like he wanted to keep this a secret; that was what hurt him so much about it. But for now, Kurt just had to face it. He had to face the fact that no matter how close he got to something he wanted… it would just find a way to slip away.

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><p><strong>Gah, I hate myself! Kurt… I'm sorry. Hope you guys thought this chapter was… satisfactory. Anyway, please leave reviews and I'll update soon.<strong>

**Also, the song that Kurt sings is "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked. Beautiful song. Sad song, though. I don't own it, but I thought it fit.**


	7. If You Never Try, You'll Never Know

**Okay, last chapter was kind of a downer. As much as I'd like to just pick this one up as happy and fluffy, I'm afraid that's not going to happen. Though I can't promise that this chapter will be happy, per se, I can promise that it will not be nearly as sad as chapter 6! And it will get better. Actually, it'll kind of be a rollercoaster. Enjoy the ride!**

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><p>The following couple of weeks held a multitude of surprises. For one, the New Directions were actually getting kind of… good! Well, they still had a long way to go before they were ready to perform, but they weren't nearly as… <em>sloppy<em> as they had been when they first began. Another was that Rachel made the decision to take a leave of absence from the club, leaving the rest of them to try and pull through without, undoubtedly, their most powerful voice (though it killed Kurt to admit it). Of course, that's what made the point of them actually getting better so unbelievable. The biggest shock of all, however, was the fact that Noah Puckerman of all people had actually contributed to the change by joining the club.

The arrival of Mike Chang and Matt Rutherford also came as a surprise, but honestly, Puckerman joining had to be a sign of the Apocalypse or something. After he had blatantly shoved most of them into lockers, slushied them, or tossed them into dumpsters, now all of a sudden he had grown a heart? Well, he was in that A Capella group with Mr. Schue, after all. Still, he had to have some other kind of incentive. Not that it mattered now, anyway. Since the football game about a week ago, it actually seemed like Puckerman was trying to befriend Kurt. Hell, they'd even resorted to a first-name basis. Well, Kurt's first name anyway. Puck was never really called "Noah" by anyone.

But still, with their Invitational coming up in about a week, they needed to be sharp. And right now… well…

_Da-da-da-da  
>Da-da-da-da<br>Da-da-da-da  
>Da-da-da-da<br>Sha-da!_

_A singer in a smoky room  
>The smell of wine and cheap perfume<br>For a smile, they could share the night  
>It goes on, and on, and on, and on…<em>

It happened in a flash actually. One second, the New Directions were actually doing _well_ in the number that they had to have been practicing for ages. The next, Quinn was nowhere to be seen. The Glee Clubbers basically stood in awkward silence after her departure.

"Okay… Mr. Schue, I think I'm speaking for all of us when I say that we really _can't_ do this without Rachel," Kurt said breaking the uncomfortable quiet.

"As m-m-much as I h-hate to say it, I'm with K-K-Kurt on this one. She's k-kind of our s-s-star," Tina added. There were various murmurs and nods of agreement all around the room.

"Look, you guys. You cannot think like that. Yes, Rachel is a huge loss for us, but we will get on without her and we're gonna do well," said Mr. Schue.

"Yeah, maybe we will be for the Invitational, but not for Sectionals," Artie replied.

"And we _definitely_ won't be for Regionals. Literally, our only hope for this thing rides on her, Mr. Schue and the Invitational is _next Tuesday_," Kurt added.

"Kurt's right," Puck interjected, "That girl makes me wanna light myself on fire, but she sure as hell can sing."

"You guys, Rachel is gone! She made the decision to leave on her own. Now, if we're gonna make this thing work, we can't look back."

The Glee Clubbers glanced around the room at one another and back towards Mr. Schue, who sighed while running his hand through his hair.

"Alright, I know you all are upset about Rachel leaving…"

"Not really. It's not like we miss her or anything. Honestly, she's loud and annoying. But I have to admit that despite her many faults, singing isn't one of them."

"That's enough, Mercedes. You guys, I agree; Rachel was great. But she wasn't our only voice. Now, instead of complaining and moping about her not being with us anymore, I want you guys to utilize this situation and use it to your advantage by becoming a _team_. Because that's what we are, first and foremost," said Schue. The room remained silent and the choir director continued.

"Now, that said, I don't know if Quinn will be able to handle it, so we do need to find someone to replace Rachel for the solo at the Invitational, and possibly Sectionals if that's what it comes down to. Is there… anybody who'd maybe be interested in that?"

Without thinking, Kurt immediately stepped forward. The once silent room was suddenly filled with various "oohs" about a second later. Kurt had no idea what the club could have been so excited about until he turned to his right and saw that Mercedes Jones had taken a simultaneous step forward as well. So Mercedes wanted the solo too. What was the big deal?

Oh, yeah… that's right. People still thought that Kurt and Mercedes were dating. And if they still believed that, that probably meant that most of the club would expect him to back down from the solo and let his _girlfriend_ have it. But honestly, there was really nothing to think about. Kurt wanted that solo and, with Rachel Berry currently out of the picture, it was up for grabs. And Kurt would be damned if he passed up an opportunity like that just because it was what everyone else expected him to do. So he stood his ground and allowed the murmurs to arise. Mr. Schue looked both of them over perplexedly as he scratched his head.

"Uh… okay, then. We'll have Kurt and Mercedes pick their own song and audition on Friday for the solo for the Invitational. Sound good? Okay, cool. I, uh… guess that's about it. I'll see you guys tomorrow and we'll practice _Don't Stop_ some more."

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><p>Later that day, after Glee rehearsal, Kurt brought Mercedes home with him to hang out. They said their hello's to Burt and immediately headed down to Kurt's room, the soprano blushing as his father called out from behind them, "Leave the door open!"<p>

Mercedes sat down on Kurt's bed while he moved around the room during their various conversations about fashion and music. And then, finally, the elephant in the room was brought to their attention.

"So who do you think Mr. Schue is gonna pick for that solo?" Mercedes asked.

"I don't know, to be honest. I mean you're just as talented as I am… I _really_ want it though."

"I know exactly how you feel. It's been clear that Rachel was trying to be the teacher's pet since the first day. And now that she's gone…"

"I know. Let's be honest, Mercedes; you and I are probably the best voices that club has right now. There's no doubt about that. But only one of us is gonna get that solo. And I love you and everything, but I _really_ want it to be me. And that sucks considering…"

Mercedes' expression grew dark and Kurt gave her a grave look. She knew what was going through his mind at this very moment. He was absolutely torn.

"You're right… everybody's probably expecting you to turn it down for me since we're _dating_. And if we try to kill each other over this opportunity…"

"That would cause 'relationship drama'. It wouldn't be believable for us to be a couple anymore and there goes my cover."

Seconds passed in silence.

"Look, Kurt; I don't want you to give up. Really, I don't; _especially_ not over this. You're better than that."

"I don't want to. But you don't understand, Mercedes; I have to keep this up. I _need_ to keep this up… especially now," Kurt said softly. Mercedes blinked at him.

"Well, why is now so important?"

Kurt walked over to the doorway and peeked out through it to make sure that Burt was nowhere to be seen. Once he was sure that the coast was clear, he shut it and turned back to see Mercedes beaming up at him in shock, obviously having put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"Oh, my god, Kurt…"

"What?"

"Kurt, you… _you like someone; _you like a_ boy_!"

"What! How'd you even…"

"Sweet mother of god, you totally have a crush on _Finn_!" Kurt had to stifle his laughter.

"That's so last month, Mercedes, believe me. This guy, he's… he's not in Glee club."

"Do I know him?"

"I don't know; he's a junior. He's nice, he's on the football team and the hockey team and…"

"Is it Karofsky?"

"What?" Kurt said, his voice cracking, his face flushing.

"David Karofsky. He's the right guard, on the hockey team, he's a junior, you've been talking about him for weeks… oh, my god, _it is_!" She whispered excitedly. Kurt was sure that his face was completely red by now.

"Mercedes, come on, chill. It's not a big deal. I mean, he's not even… Dave's not even _gay_. There's no chance of it happening between us."

"Has he told you that? Has he given you any firm, surefire reason to believe that?"

"Well… not exactly but…"

"Then how do you know?"

"I just do! Guys like him, they… they always are. I can't allow myself to show my feelings to him publicly because of obvious reasons and I can't… I just can't go there, Mercedes; I can't even afford to _think_ about going there."

"But, Kurt, you'll never know unless you find out for sure. You can't give up on feeling something normal just because you're afraid."

Kurt stared at her, mouth agape. Why couldn't she understand? Even if Kurt did want this boy, there was no way that he could ever pursue him. It wasn't like he could just walk up to David and say, "Hi, Dave! Hey, look, I know we've only known each other a couple weeks and we don't hang out outside of football practice, but I think I might be in love with you and I was wondering: do you like boys?" Why couldn't she get the fact that this was an impossible situation? Going after David would not only scare the football player away, but he would be outing himself in the process and he was nowhere near ready for that. It wasn't like he was in denial about who he was; he just wasn't ready for everyone else to know. He had already accepted the fact that he was going to be lonely for a long time, if not the rest of his life. And Mercedes was his friend, but she needed to accept that too.

"Cedes, just drop it, okay? Nothing's going to happen. It's a straight-boy crush. It'll pass. I promise. Just let it go, okay?"

Mercedes looked up at him, solemn disappointment on her face. She sighed. This was probably the first awkward moment that Kurt and Mercedes had experienced together in a while. Of course, the fact that Burt yelled out, "Door open, Kurt!" after their little banter didn't help.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope you guys liked this chapter! I had fun with it and I will update soon. In case you haven't noticed, I've been switching off on updates between this and "By Your Side," so updates for the same story will probably happen within a 10-12 day period. <strong>

**However, I do plan on publishing at least once a week! I just can't promise that it will be for the same story. Hopefully you guys BYS as well in order to ease your wait! Oh, and also, I know that David is actually in their grade, but I figured I'd make him a little older. I figure if Dave is a grade above them, that's a more logical reason for them to have never met before. And Dave would have a little more life experience.**

**But anyway, I think that's it. So leave reviews and I'll be back soon! Love you guys :)**


	8. Some Poisons Can Seem Healthy

**Hey guys! So sorry for the wait! I really have no good excuse… Busy time of the year, ya know? What with graduations and whatnot. All of your reviews and alerts and favorites make me so happy and I can't tell you how grateful I am that you took the time out to read this! Hope I can continue to fulfill your expectations!**

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><p>The audition that Friday went about the way Kurt expected. Both of them decided to try out with their rendition of the actual solo, rather than pick a completely different song that would portray them in their strongest suit. But easily, <em>Don't Stop Believing<em> was neutral ground for both of them. Mercedes performed phenomenally, but Kurt felt that he might have done just a bit better with his word phrasing.

Since he was so used to going to Glee rehearsal after school on Fridays, Kurt had almost forgotten how packed the building was right after the final bell. He made one final trip to his locker to pick up his books and sheet music for the Invitational on Tuesday before heading out the front doors.

And, of course, the first thing he saw when stepped out of the building was Dave leaning against the rail by the stair steps leading into the parking lot, talking to another random football player. Kurt glanced at the beautiful boy out of the corner of his eyes as he walked by and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that apparently David had seen him too. The junior grinned kindly at him and tossed an acknowledging head nod his way. Kurt smiled and waved back at the boy, and just like that, David went back to talking to his friend. Kurt had half a mind to actually stop and talk to his crush in that moment, but by the time he finally built up the nerve, he had already passed David and the football player by.

_Just keep walking, Kurt. Don't do anything weird_, he thought.

"Hey, Kurt!" he heard a voice yell from behind him. He turned and saw that Mercedes was approaching him at a speedy pace, a wide beam on her face.

"Hi, Mercedes, what's up?" he asked. The girl just beamed up at him all the more.

"What are you so happy about?"

"I have information, homeboy," she said softly.

"Oh, my god… this is about the solo, isn't it! Alright, tell me, who got it? If it's you, I mean, obviously I'll be happy for you, but _please_ tell me that I got it!"

"Kurt… _Dave's gay_!" she whispered excitedly.

Wow… well, he wasn't expecting that. His eyes shot open in shock at Mercedes' declaration and he stopped moving. He looked her straight in the eyes.

"What? Where did you hear that? How do you know?"

"You'd be surprised what you could find out if you just ask around. Turns out, it's not that big a secret," she smiled. Kurt chuckled quietly.

"Well, then… good for him," Kurt whispered as he turned to walk towards his car. He was stopped when Mercedes grabbed him by the wrist.

"Wait, so are you… gonna ask him out?"

"What? I don't… I don't know…"

"Kurt, it's obvious that you really like this guy… like, a _lot_. And your big issue was because you didn't know if he was gay or not. Now you know! So why don't you just ask him out?"

"Mercedes, it's really not that simple…"

"Why not? You like him so what's the harm in seeing if he likes you?"

"Girl, you know I love you and I'm really not trying to sound mean or anything, but you have absolutely no idea what it is like. And I'm not saying that's your fault, but you really don't. So, David is actually gay; big whoop. He's on the varsity football team and the hockey team—"

"You're on the football team too—"

"— He is out. He is open about his sexuality and he doesn't care what people think of him. I am still in the closet, Mercedes. And I probably won't be able to come out for a very long time. Even if I were able to actually tell him how I feel… I wouldn't be able to be in a real, genuine relationship with him. He would want someone who would be able to hold his hand in public and kiss him in front of everyone. And no matter how badly I want to do those things, I just can't. And David is so amazing and sure of himself… I'm just not confident enough for him." Mercedes stared at him and took in what he said, disappointment apparent in her features.

"Alright, Kurt, if that's what you want… I still think you're selling yourself short, though. But if that's the way you feel, then…"

"Hey, you two!" called an oncoming voice before Mercedes could finish her statement. The two original Glee members turned around to see Finn Hudson walking towards them. Mercedes and Kurt turned to each other and communicated with their eyes. Kurt gave her a wide-eyed stare that said "don't-say-anything" while Mercedes looked up at him with a sympathetic "I-hope-you-know-what-you're-doing". They both then turned back to the jock.

"Hey, Finn. What's going on?" Kurt said calmly, his voice firm and steady.

"Me, Quinn, Santana, Puck, and some others are about to head out to the Lima Bean in a little bit and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come with." Kurt and Mercedes exchanged confused looks.

"Wait, you want _us_ to come hang out with _you_? Why?" Mercedes questioned. Finn scratched his head.

"Well, when Kurt joined the football team that was the first step of crossover between the Glee Club and the popular kids. Now that Quinn, Puck, Santana, Brittany, Mike, and Matt have joined Glee, it won't be deemed as uncool for us to be seen together, you know? And Kurt, since you are on the football team now, that makes you one of us. Well… one of the kids with their feet in both worlds. And, Mercedes, since you're dating him, that makes you one of us by association. It makes sense if you don't think about it," he grinned dumbly.

The system wasn't perfect, but that was the way it was. Finn had a point; looking at it in that weird, high school social class perspective, he wasn't wrong. Not merely popularity, but survival at McKinley was all about the people one associated him/herself with. And as losers at the bottom of the social food chain, who were Kurt and Mercedes to deny an invitation from the popular kids?

"Yeah… alright, Finn, we'll go."

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><p>That afternoon, Kurt sat with Mercedes, Puck, Finn, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Matt, and Mike through three of Puckerman's stories about several different girls he had sex with, listening with fixed attention like everyone else and laughing when everyone else laughed. It all began to blur together and sound the same after a while, causing Kurt to lose focus, but one topic forced him from his daydream.<p>

"That's a nice story, Puck. And it explains my point exactly! I'm telling you, if everyone just put out, stuff like that wouldn't happen," Santana said, moving in closer towards Puckerman each second as if trying to close any possible gap of space between them.

"How 'bout you, Kurt?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Have you and Mercedes… ya know… done the deed?"

"That's none of your business, Noah," Mercedes said boldly.

"Touchy subject seems like," Santana said in a sing-song tone, tracing her fingers along Puckerman's chest, her eyes fixed on a flabbergasted Mercedes, a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Santana, be nice. Of course they've banged. It's been almost a month," he whispered into her ear, apparently not wanting anyone else to hear. Kurt, however, heard every word.

"We're waiting," stated Mercedes firmly. Santana rolled her eyes.

"How bougie…"

"C'mon, you two…"

Kurt avoided eye contact with the boy, he was absolutely certain that he was turning red. A chime at the door, however, caught his attention and his eyes shot up to the doorway.

David had walked right into the Lima Bean at the most inconvenient time. Kurt's face went from red to pale at the sight of the older boy; the boy whom he had just discovered to be gay. Kurt always got a certain feeling in his stomach when David was around. But now that he knew, the sensation was magnified tenfold. David flashed a smile at the group.

"Hey, you guys."

The group let out a simultaneous "hey", with the exception of Puckerman, who merely grunted.

"Hey, Quinn, could I talk to you for a second?" David asked. She looked around.

"Um… of course," she chuckled. Quinn proceeded to get up from her seat and walked over to the other side of the café with David.

"Geez, Kurt, come on, seriously, though. You too, Wheezy. It's not natural for two teenagers to not… you know. I mean, unless there's something you're not telling us, Kurt…"

"There's nothing," Kurt said shakily, praying that no one noticed the wavering in his voice.

"I'm just saying, you've barely kissed Mercedes since you guys started dating and I doubt she's thrilled about that. I mean, unless you caught the gay from _homo_ over there," he said playfully.

"I'm not gay, Puck! Just drop it, alright?" Kurt said, a little louder and a little bit more forcefully than he had meant to. He looked around and no one outside their table seemed to hear him… he did, however, see a look of utter shock on Mercedes' face. Puck snickered quietly.

"Okay, dude, I'm just screwing with you… chill."

Shortly after that statement, Puck continued to recount his epic tales of sexual conquest, but Kurt no longer even attempted to look like he was paying attention.

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><p>Later that evening at the Hummel residence, Kurt and Mercedes sat alone in his room. They'd been talking about various things from Glee Club to fashion to anything else under the sun. But ultimately, it came back to this afternoon.<p>

"Kurt… we need to talk."

"We've… been talking, Mercedes."

"I'm talking about what happened at the Lima Bean."

"What? What do you mean?"

"How you… how you told Puckerman that you weren't gay."

_What_? This was confusing. Why would she be upset about that? Isn't that why they were in this fake relationship anyway?

"What about it? I thought that the whole point of us doing this was so that people wouldn't know." Mercedes scoffed and turned to him, looking the soprano straight in the eyes.

"The whole reason I agreed to go along with this was because you weren't ready to come out… you weren't ready to be yourself. And I thought that by being your pretend girlfriend, I would be able to help you keep a secret that you weren't ready for people to know. I thought I was helping you.

"But, Kurt… this isn't right. You didn't see yourself today. The way you denied it… it was hard for me to watch you lie to him when I know what's going on in your head."

"Mercedes, if you knew what was going on in my head, then you would understand why I lied to him. I thought you got that," Kurt stated firmly.

"Kurt, you're my best friend… okay? And I can't watch you live this lie and completely deny who you are. I thought I would be helping you while you built up the courage to really be yourself. And then when that finally happened, everything would be alright. But me pretending to be your girlfriend isn't helping you face your fears… it's only reinforcing the standards you have set in your mind that there's something wrong with you. And it's hurting the way you see yourself. You're never going to be able to be yourself if we keep this up," Mercedes said softly. She was on the verge of tears now.

"So… what are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is… I think we should break up, Kurt…"

The two of them sat in complete silence.

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><p><strong>Okay, I updated the story in 11 days when the max I set for myself is 12… so even though it's been a bit, I feel good about that. Hope the chapter was worth the wait! More to come! Please leave reviews and I will see you all shortly!<strong>


	9. Go On?

**Author's Note**

**Hey, everyone. I… am so sorry. It has to have been like almost half a year since this story's seen any action. I have to apologize for that, but I really can't say it won't happen again. I'm not really sure who's following this story still or who's forgotten about it completely. I've let you all down as an author and I can't make any promises anymore.**

**I'm writing this to say, I'm not sure if this story will really go on. If it does, the updates will not be all that frequent; it could take anywhere from a week to several months. But I suppose that's mostly up to you. I wanna know what you guys are feeling. If you're still out there, please let me know if you really would like to see more, or if I should just stop this story altogether.**

**No matter what the outcome is, I am so happy you gave this story your time and I sincerely appreciate all the feedback it's received. You all really touched me with your reviews, favorites, and subscriptions. You've inspired me as an author and have made me feel great in ways you cannot even imagine. You guys are all so freaking amazing and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.**


	10. Face the Future On Your Own

**I wanna thank all of you guys for your support and I've decided to keep this story going. The updates may not be all that frequent, but I'm planning to make the chapters longer to satisfy you guys until the next chapter. That way I don't get so anxious about updates, and the story can still go at a quick pace. Thank you all so much, for everything! Now without any further ado, let's get this show back on the road!**

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><p>David strode over to the other side of the Lima Bean, Quinn trailing behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Puckerman, Hudson, Santana, Brittany, Chang, Rutherford, Kurt and the other girl whom he hadn't really had the chance to become acquainted with yet were no longer paying him any mind.<p>

"What is it, David? Quinn asked, once they were out of earshot. David pursed his lips together as he gazed across the room and back at the Cheerio.

"There was something that I kind of wanted to ask you; well, see about. And I can't really talk to the others about this, so…"

"Just tell me what it is, Karofsky," she said with a slight smile. Dave chuckled.

"Okay, well, you're in glee, right?" Dave assumed he must have said something wrong considering the stifled, almost _pained_, reaction he got from her.

"Sure."

"Okay, well anyway, you and Finn are pretty much attached at the hip. Puckerman and Santana have been fuck-buddies since forever, Rutherford is _kind of _dating Santana, Chang is straight… how about Kurt?" Dave nodded over to the table where the group resided while stuffing his hands into his pockets and Quinn turned her head over to them as well.

"Kurt Hummel? He's with Mercedes; the other girl at the table."

"Oh," Dave sighed.

"Why do you ask?" Quinn questioned curiously, her eyebrow raised.

"No reason. I just thought that… I dunno, maybe that he… that he was, uh…"

"_Gay_?" the Cheerio finished. Dave winced a little bit at the seemingly harsh accusing tone in her voice, but nodded nonetheless.

"Don't feel bad, everyone thought the same thing. But apparently he and Effie over there are pretty serious. Who knew?"

"I see… I don't know; he seems… he's interesting."

"That's one word for it," Quinn chortled.

"Alright, well I'll let you get back to your friends. Thanks, anyway."

"Later, David," she said as the two of them parted ways, Dave going to purchase his to-go order and Quinn back to the group.

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><p>Needless to say, Kurt and Mercedes had barely spoken the rest of that weekend after their supposed "break-up". If they had made contact with each other, it was for some trivial and insignificant reason that had absolutely no importance in either of their lives. This hiatus on their speaking terms only made the following Tuesday that much more awkward.<p>

The Invitational was about to go in in less than an hour; Kurt could already hear the crowd building on the other side of the curtain. And the entire while, he and Mercedes resided on opposite sides of the backstage area. No one said anything about it. After Mr. Schue had announced that Kurt would be singing the solo for _Somebody to Love_, no one really questioned why Kurt and Mercedes were spending all this time apart. They just figured it was some stupid, Glee-club pride thing and would pass once the Invitational was finished.

But Kurt knew the truth as he sat down on one of the back stage props. It was all he was able to think about over the weekend. It wasn't like he had actually grown attached to the idea of being in a fake relationship with Mercedes; they were still friends and a fake break up wouldn't change that. It was just… that relationship was like a safety blanket for him. It was security from all the looks and questions. As long as he had that, no one would question. No one would even really care to think about it. But Mercedes hadn't been wrong.

This whole little charade started off innocently enough. Mercedes was being a good friend. She knew that Kurt was scared out of his mind about people finding out, and she was willing to help him out. With Mercedes on his arm, Kurt was secure. But what he hadn't realized was that his relationship with her had become a crutch. It had become something he was relying on fully. In fact, if Mercedes hadn't brought it up this past weekend, Kurt really would have had no clue if he ever even would come out. He was getting so wrapped up in a lie, that he was losing himself and letting the truth just die into the background of his mind. But it would never truly die, for obvious reasons. This wasn't something he could change.

It wasn't so much that he was upset with the break up, but without Mercedes as his beard, he was left vulnerable; open to ridicule. Not that he wasn't already, come on. But still… at least he could at least _feel_ like everybody else, even though he was fully aware that he wasn't.

His thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of a rough, calloused hand clapping down on his shoulder. He turned his head to see Noah Puckerman standing behind him. He wasn't exactly the first person Kurt wanted to see, given the circumstances.

"Sup, dude?" he asked.

"I'm just, uh… a little nervous about this solo. It kind of sets the bar for everything else we do, if you think about it." Kurt replied softly. Puck pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

"Eh, don't sweat it. If I were you, I'd be more worried about patching things up with her," he tossed his head over in Mercedes direction where she stood talking to Tina and Artie.

"There's nothing to patch up. We're fine, she… she's just upset that I got the solo and she didn't. You know how women are," Kurt attempted a cool smirk, but he wasn't entirely sure if Puckerman found it convincing.

"Yeah, I… yeah, I do. I mean, I don't get this; it's just one song for one stupid show… but hey, whatever. I'm just saying," Noah shrugged.

"It's nothing. Everything will be fine after the show."

"Uh huh…" and with that, Puck gave Kurt a wink and strode off towards Santana and Quinn.

"Hey," said a female voice behind him. Kurt turned his attention away from the retreating boy's back and turned his head to see Mercedes standing above him. Kurt exhaled and stood to face her.

"I just wanted to say congratulations on the solo… you earned it."

"You were fantastic too, Mercedes. Really," he said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. Mercedes pursed her lips in a soft smile and nodded. The two stood in place, not saying a word, the hustle and bustle of glee-clubbers around them being the only sound in their world.

"Can we talk?" she asked. Kurt glanced around and saw that the teens around them were paying absolutely no attention to the pair, all caught up in their own worlds. He then turned his gaze back to Mercedes.

"There's not really anything to talk about… I understand."

"Kurt… I'm not trying to hurt you or force you out of the closet," she whispered, peering around to make sure no one was listening in.

"I just want you to be okay."

"No, Mercedes, I really do get it. I'm not mad at you and I don't blame you. I thought you were just being a good friend by bearding for me and I was just scared when you ended our arrangement. But I realized that… I was really using you. I was using you because I was too scared to confront anything on my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way, shape, or form ready to come out yet… but I do understand why you did what you did. You were just looking out for me. And that's what real friends do." He smiled weakly at her and she returned it.

"So… can we please talk again?" Mercedes half chuckled. Kurt beamed.

"Of course," he replied as he went in for a hug from his best friend. They embraced for a good number of seconds.

"I really missed you," he breathed.

"It's only been one weekend, Kurt," she laughed.

"Still!"

The two broke apart and out of the corner of his eye, Kurt saw Finn running awkwardly towards the pair.

"Hey, you guys! Mr. Schue says curtain in five."

* * *

><p>There was no doubt about it, Kurt loved singing. He loved performing. But when it came to an audience, Kurt had forgotten one simple thing… that there would be one. The chatter on the other side of the still shut curtain was loud and busy enough to churn his stomach.<p>

He had barely gotten used to singing in front of the New Directions alone. But this… in retrospect, sure, having a solo sounded like something he would want. But now, in this moment, as he stood firmly in his position on stage behind the curtain, the wait was agonizing. He had dealt with rude comments about the sound of his voice, mainly from within the glee club itself. But something about singing in front of the entire school was different.

He was useful in glee. Powerful.

But out in the hallways, he was a complete and total loser. And no one out there gave a damn if he could carry a tune or not. All they saw was simply that. A loser.

He glanced over at Mercedes a few spots away. Her face was stoic. She seemed so calm… collected. Her posture declared that she was ready to own this stage. She stood with confidence. Determination. Conviction.

Kurt wanted that. Needless to say, at this point, he was lacking in all of those things. And _he_ was the one that won the solo.

His heart sank as realization set into it that Mercedes was the one that really deserved this. She had power in her voice and sang with an amount of soul he had never even realized could have existed before. She loved what she did and knew for a fact that she could own it. Kurt had always seen the currently absent Rachel as his biggest competition. But just because he and Mercedes were friends didn't mean that she wasn't as big of a threat and that she didn't want it just as badly as Kurt or Rachel.

Rachel was gone. And the title of Glee club star had been up for grabs. This solo could have very well been the first of many that he would have had to fight over. And _he_ was the winner. Him; this small… weak… scared little singer.

It wasn't right. Mercedes deserved his spot tonight and it took him until now to fully realize it. He wasn't ready for this kind of pressure.

Here Mercedes was, proud and so sure of who she was, not only as a vocalist, but as a person. She knew what she wanted. And she wasn't afraid to go after it. And she was demoted to wailing the last couple of runs at the very end of the song. All because he, of all people, won.

He was going to choke. He knew that he was going to choke. He would either hit the wrong note, say the wrong lyrics, or worse, no sound would come out at all. Or maybe, he would find himself sick with nausea and vomit all across the stage. Anything could have happened.

His first instinct was to retreat from the stage. The soprano's eyes widened as the curtains slowly started to open. There was no turning back now; not now that the audience had already spotted him. He was already starting to sweat and the bright stage lights didn't do much to help that situation. He stole a quick glance down to ensure that the pits of his dark blue dress shirt weren't stained with sweat. Okay, it wasn't all that noticeable. But would the lights bring attention to it?

The curtain was fully open now and Kurt almost missed his cue to step forward down the risers when the others did.

_Can…_

Finn had started, which meant that his part wasn't far behind. His eyes stared out straight ahead, wide like a deer stuck in the headlights, his mouth shut and his throat dry. The audience was packed; something none of them had expected considering how unpopular glee club was already. He quickly swallowed whatever remaining saliva he had built up in his mouth and joined in with his fellow New Directions, his arm raising into the air in unison with the others.

_Anybody…_

His eyes were turned to the bright stage lights and that probably wasn't the best idea for him. He quickly shut them and struggled to focus on what he was supposed to do next.

Then it hit him… _crap_.

How was his first line supposed to start? He was panicking.

_Just go along with it, Kurt._

He turned in tandem with the others, his eyes still closed.

_Find me-e-e-e…_

Kurt turned his head up from the ground and into the air with the lyric and finally decided to open his eyes. It would have looked weird if he had kept them closed the entire time, not to mention how it would have potentially thrown off their choreography should he bump into someone.

This was a fact he had to accept. There was an audience. They came here to see a show. And he was a crucial part of this performance, no matter what the outcome was. He had to follow through.

_Somebody to-oo…_

As Kurt turned his head towards the audience, his vision started to come back into focus from the brightness of the stage lights. Lo and behold, the first sight for him to see banished most of the tension and anxiety out of his system.

When the stage light aftermath had disappeared from his eyes, he could clearly see David Karofsky sitting in the third row of the middle aisle. He was wearing a maroon polo that was fitted beautifully around his large torso. He smiled up at the stage; up at _Kurt_, almost unnoticeably moving his perfect lips to the words of the song. It may have been a trick of the light, but Kurt could have sworn that David just… winked at him… directly at him. It had to have actually happened because it was followed with a subtle thumbs-up. Though the lights were dim over the audience, Kurt could point out the junior's smile among the crowd. It was for _him_. David was actually enjoying himself and Kurt couldn't help but smile. Their eyes locked from several feet away and their lips moved simultaneously with the next line.

_Love…_

The butterflies were gone and were replaced with a different kind of equally nervous sensation. But this time, it didn't have a negative effect of Kurt. David was here because Kurt had invited him. That kind of knowledge spurred something inside the singer. He wanted to impress Dave. He was no longer worried about what anyone else thought. His only desire was to make sure that Dave enjoyed the show.

The piano sped up to the playful tune of the intro and Kurt walked proudly down to the center of the stage, Finn at his side.

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-wo-hoah  
>Each morning I get up, I die a little<br>Can barely stand on my feet…_

* * *

><p>Kurt wasn't really certain what he had been so worried about anyway. The show was a success, as the New Directions would take it. Patrons lined up in the foyer outside the auditorium afterwards to shake hands and congratulate the Glee club before departing the school. Sure, most of them were parents, teachers, or other adults, but still. An audience was an audience. There had to have been at least a hundred here tonight.<p>

Finally the audience member Kurt had been most excited to see emerged from the auditorium, glancing around for the glee clubbers in the mass of people. Kurt beamed in his direction and started to make his way towards the junior. He was cut off by an admiring Mercedes with loads of congratulations and hugs. His second obstacle was Finn Hudson, who clapped him hard on the back in admiration.

Finally he found David and was greeted with a smile.

"That was great, dude," Dave chuckled, extending his arm for a congratulatory bro-hug. Overwhelmed with excitement, anxiety, and every other good feeling known to man, Kurt completely ignored it and lunged at Dave with a full on embrace, wrapping his arms around the taller boys torso.

Quickly realizing where he was and who he was with, he retracted from the boy and rubbed his hand behind his neck, his face flushing.

"Thanks, Dave. I'm so glad you came!"

"I said I would, didn't I?" he smirked. Kurt could have just about melted.

"Yeah, you… you did. You're a man of your word," he breathed.

"You were really fantastic up there, Kurt."

"_Stahp_…" Kurt said, mushily, running his hand through his hair. David chuckled.

The sound of footsteps was heard from behind and Kurt turned to see a beaming Finn striding towards the pair.

"Sup, man, glad you could make it," he said to David, actually fulfilling a successful bro-hug with David.

"Yeah, bro, I am too. Y'all were awesome tonight."

Finn nodded and pursed his lips together in a smile.

"Well, I don't wanna keep you away from your _adoring fans_, so I guess I will see you guys tomorrow at practice?" David said as he turned to make his way out the door.

"Hey, man, wait, hold up," Finn said and the older boy halted mid-step. Kurt looked over at Finn, wondering what in the world he was planning.

"I'm actually hosting a little after party at my place tonight in a couple minutes if ya wanna stick around."

Really? Kurt hadn't expected being with David for the whole night. Part of him would really have liked for David to be there, but the majority of him didn't really see it as a good idea. Here, he could be cool. Here, David would think he was cool. But at a party… Kurt was never one to really interact at social gatherings to begin with. And for David to see him in his awkward stage…

"I don't know, Finn. I'm sure Dave has things to do before tomorrow anyway. Calculus homework, for example…"

"Actually, Kurt, I took care of all my homework before I came here. I don't wanna seem like I'm intruding or anything, though. I mean, I'm not in Glee club and this is you guys' thing."

"Ah, come on, man, it's no big deal. No one will care. Stop by for a bit."

Kurt glanced from one boy to the other with each passing statement. Dave pondered for a second and bit his lip. _God_, he was hot when he did that.

"Well, if you're sure… I guess I could."

"Awesome!" Finn exclaimed.

"Just lemme take care of something at home and I'll head right over."

"See ya then," Finn told him, as they fist bumped goodbye.

"See ya then. See you tonight, Kurt," Dave said before departing.

"See you tonight," Kurt breathed, barely audible.

* * *

><p>The party actually wasn't bad. Everyone seemed to have had a good time and there weren't really a whole lot of complaints. Though, despite their heartfelt reunion backstage, Kurt and Mercedes still had barely managed to get a word in to each other since.<p>

It was about 11:30 now and the party vibe had died down a bit. There was mostly just calm chatter among the New Directions, with the exception of Rachel, who had still not returned to the club.

Kurt sat around with Finn, Artie, and David while Mercedes sat on the other side with Tina. Like clockwork, Puckerman managed to squeeze in between Dave and Kurt, eyes intently on the soprano.

"What?" Kurt hissed, not intending for it to come out so harsh. But he knew what the bad boy was going to say. He knew what he was getting at. Puck merely blinked at him.

"You know what. Come on, dude, what the hell are you doing over here while she's over there? Get up! Go be a boyfriend," he said, shoving Kurt to his feet. Kurt grew incredibly tired of this.

Though he and Mercedes had finally come to an agreement that the break up was for the best, he had neglected to mention it to anyone else. There was nowhere to run now, though. He had to do something. Slowly he strode over to Mercedes, who was now sitting alone.

"Hey," he said as he sat down next to her. She smiled up at him.

"Hey," she responded.

"You did awesome tonight."

"Thanks, Kurt, so did you."

Tina had returned and Mercedes looked away from Kurt and back to the Goth Kurt took this time to turn his attention back to Puckerman and the others. Dave, Finn, and Artie seemed to pay no mind, but Puckerman kept making faces at him and making gestures with his arm as if to wrap it around an imaginary person.

Kurt swallowed hard and slowly raised his arm. He retracted it several times before actually making the full motion as to wrap it around her. Mercedes looked down at it and then up into Kurt's face. Her pleasant demeanor was gone and was replaced by a stone-cold, seriousness. Kurt smiled weakly, as if trying to get her to understand. But Mercedes shook her head and shoved the arm away.

"Kurt, stop," she said. Santana was passing by behind them and looked down at the diva, confusion and judgment apparent in her face.

"Chill out, Wheezie, he's your boyfriend," she said tactlessly. Kurt's eyes widened and his skin went white; even paler than he already was (if that was even possible). All eyes were on them now, Santana's remark being enough to divert attention. Mercedes glanced around the room and then to Kurt, a pleading look on his face and in his eyes. But he knew what was coming.

"Actually, he's not… Kurt and I, we… we broke up. Isn't that right, Kurt?" she looked over at him, her features still stoic and passive. All eyes went from being on the two of them to being on Kurt specifically. The soprano glanced around the room and the faces were filled with confusion and anticipation.

He knew it was a bad idea, but Kurt found himself unconsciously looking over in David's direction, his face calm and concerned. That did it for Kurt. He stood and without looking at anyone, he turned and mumbled, "I have to go."

He strode past David, not bothering to look at him, knowing what he would find in the boy's face, and headed out the door. The room was left silent.

Kurt sped to his car on the other side of the street, but he didn't get in. He simply stood there, fists clenched and firm against the side of the Navigator, no longer attempting to fight the tears that he knew would come pouring down.

He and Mercedes broke up. Simple as that. He thought that he had made peace with that earlier today before the Invitational. But now that everyone knew… Well, Kurt just hadn't taken that part into consideration.

As far as he knew, it didn't go past saying that they were broken up in order to make it happen. But the other outside factors… Puckerman, Santana. He didn't think about those. He didn't think about how that would raise questions with them. And if he was being completely and totally honest, it scared the shit out of him. Eventually everyone would know the truth.

He was officially left open with nowhere else to run to. Everyone knew now. And he was no longer protected by the lie he had built with his friend.

And the worst part was David. Seeing the look in his beautiful hazel eyes at the revelation, so hurt and worried for him. It was too much to take. It would also raise questions for David, too. All this time, he had been okay with loving Dave from afar behind his security blanket. But if he were to tell David the truth now… it would ruin everything. Everything would fall apart.

His thoughts ran wild and the tears were bursting from his eyes, no matter how tightly he tried to shut them. Suddenly, he felt a large, rough hand rest gently on his left shoulder.

"Kurt?" said a male voice. Kurt knew who it belonged to and his heart sank deep into his stomach. He opened his eyes and saw the boys' hazel-eyed reflection in his car window. He turned around to face the real deal, David's face even more painful and beautiful to look at when it was so close to his own.

"You okay?"

* * *

><p><strong>Well, this has been a long-time-coming and I hope you all are satisfied! I'm really very touched to have seen all the comments that want me to continue. I promise you I will definitely finish, but I refuse to promise the timespan :P anyway, thank you all so much for sticking with me and I hope you all continue to do the same. Love you guys!<strong>


	11. Gay is Gay

**I'm only writing this author's note to say thank you to all the people that kept this going. Also, I'm not sure if a lot of you noticed, but chapter 9 has been up for a bit. I don't know if you all got the update because it was posted so shortly after I asked if you guys wanted more of this, so it may have been overlooked. So it would probably be a good idea to read that before starting this haha.**

**Also, if you could leave a good review for that chapter, please? That'd be great. I worked really hard on it for you guys and it hasn't received much love since it was posted :/ please make it feel loved! So for those of you who haven't read that, obviously you should read it before starting this one, yada yada yada... okay. **

* * *

><p>"You okay?"<p>

The question was simple; two words that only required one word to answer. Hell, they didn't even really require words, to be honest. Kurt could have simply just nodded "yes," but David clearly would have been able to see right through that.

But if he shook his head "no," then that opened the door to Kurt having to explain himself; which he didn't really feel up to doing.

Of all the times Kurt would have killed to have David this close… the times he wished that the older boy would talk to him alone, fate chose _now_ to grant him his wish. It wasn't like he couldn't be around David. But then again, maybe it was.

Kurt didn't really want to be around anyone at the moment, but because of his already intense feelings for the other man, David specifically was dangerous.

But maybe he didn't have to go through this. David surely would have understood if Kurt wanted to be alone. It would be acceptable for Kurt to push him away given the circumstances. But the jock just kept staring at him with those intense eyes.

Those eyes… those beautiful, hazel eyes didn't simply watch Kurt. The singer could feel the other's gaze piercing right through him, down into his heart. Kurt almost felt that the football player was being… _invasive_. Like Dave was reading his mind without his permission through some telepathic bond. He quickly realized that such things were impossible and Dave could not simply just literally look into his very soul. That was a silly thought.

But the way Karofsky's eyes were fixated on him, Kurt got the feeling that maybe there was some kind of way that Dave really was reading him like an open book. Maybe he could see it in his own eyes. Maybe, just maybe, Dave was reading him in a way that no one else in his life ever had before. And if Kurt was being quite honest with himself, he found that to be incredibly frightening.

"Kurt?" he said softly. That simple spoken word about did it for the soprano. Though he found it incredibly difficult momentarily to even move any of the features on his face, on the inside he was breaking.

One word was all it took to break the dam inside him and let all the emotions run loose. He realized that his mouth hung slightly open and made sure to shut it as he turned away from the boy, his eyes to the ground.

"Are you gonna be okay, buddy?" he asked tenderly. Kurt's attention was diverted back to David and those sympathetic eyes were on him again, reading him, examining him.

Kurt started to slowly nod his head, making an attempt at a soft smile. But that gesture failed before it was even completely implemented and he found himself shaking his head vigorously, his damp eyes downcast.

Overwhelmed by the string of emotions he was left to deal with, he instinctively closed the gap in between the two and wrapped his arms around the juniors' neck, face buried in his chest. The tears erupted from his now closed eyes and he physically shook against the sturdy jock.

By the time that he realized that he was far too close (like he was after the performance a few hours ago), he already felt broad, muscular arms hugging him back slowly and gently. At this point, Kurt didn't care how he looked, draped around David like a clingy child. It felt right to be in the others' embrace; it was warm and almost… soothing.

"Oh, god, Kurt… come on, buddy, don't… don't cry, man, please. It'll be okay, don't cry," the older one said softly, his hand sliding up and down the sopranos' back in a comforting fashion. And of course, the pleading request not to cry only made Kurt cry even harder. The two of them stood for a good minute in each other's arms before Kurt broke the embrace apart, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you want to talk to me? I'm here if… if you need to," David asked sincerely, his hazel eyes never losing that genuine, caring gaze. Kurt sniffled and rubbed his eyes some more.

"Yeah… yeah," he mouthed. The words were barely able to come out as it was, so there really wasn't anything else he could say. There was no fighting it any more. He couldn't avoid it. He had to talk to Dave now… he _wanted_ to talk to Dave. The jock nodded.

"Not here," was all that was left that Kurt could get out. He looked back up at the Hudson house, sheer pain and discomfort brewing in his stomach. The statement was quiet, raspy… but David understood completely.

"Alright, bro, let's go somewhere and talk, okay? Just the two of us. Come on," he said tenderly, slowly turning away from the Navigator, his hand laid gently on Kurt's' back.

* * *

><p>The two walked side by side around the neighborhood for about half an hour, mostly spent in complete silence. But David didn't complain or push. He simply wandered the streets with Kurt under the impression that Kurt would speak when he felt like speaking. And that actually put stress on Kurt. He would have to break the ice. He would have to be the one to start talking because he was the one that wanted to talk in the first place. At this moment, he actually wished David was like everyone else and pestered him about what was wrong until he gave in.<p>

But he wasn't like everybody else. He was patient and quiet and… _there_. For thirty minutes, David was just _there_. And the silence was killing Kurt.

"It's a little cold out tonight," Kurt said softly, not wanting to dive right in. David had apparently grown accustomed to the silence because the surprise on his face when Kurt spoke was as plain as day. The taller boy glanced up around the empty subdivision and back at Kurt.

"Little bit… here," David said, stripping off his large letterman jacket and draping it around the singer's tiny shoulders.

"You don't have to…"

"It's fine." David pursed his lips in an encouraging smile and Kurt meekly attempted to return it.

* * *

><p>The two continued down the street for several minutes until there was no more street and a small park lay ahead of them. It was deserted, as one would expect at half past midnight. They both slowly strode inside and when Kurt sat down on one of the benches, David took that as his cue to take a seat next to him. They sat in the quiet for a few more minutes and David actually gave in, to Kurt's surprise.<p>

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to. If you'd rather be alone…"

"No. I… I want to talk. I want you here." Kurt looked at the boy, a hopeful, pleading look in his eyes, begging Dave to stay. The jock sighed softly, his gaze never faltering.

"I am."

Kurt turned away and exhaled deeply.

"This, uh… this isn't easy," Kurt half chuckled. Dave smiled thoughtfully.

"Break-ups never are, believe me. But it'll be better in time, I promise."

"No, not… that."

Dave averted his attention back to the younger boy and studied him.

"Then what are you so upset about?"

"I'm not sad that Mercedes and I broke up. Well, that's definitely part of it, but it's so much bigger than that. It makes no sense because we both knew it had to come to this someday, that's what we agreed on. I just didn't expect to…"

"Kurt…"

At the sound of his name, Kurt looked up at Dave, his confused expression alerting Kurt that this was all going completely over his head.

"It's just that… with Mercedes around, it was easier. I could still kind of be myself and I could… still allow myself to be around you sometimes."

"Why wouldn't you be able to be around me? We're friends, aren't we?"

"Yes, of course we are! It's just… it's easier. There'd be less stuff to explain if… people were to see us."

"You mean… explain that you're gay?" Dave whispered. Kurt's eyes shot wide open and he saw that the older boy was watching him with a concerned expression. There was no denying it. This was exactly what Kurt brought David out here for, why would he lie now? In fact, David had just spared him the worst part; actually admitting it out loud. Instead of giving him an answer, Kurt just turned his head to the ground which was confirmation enough.

"So you are… what the hell are you ashamed of?"

"That's easy for you to say," Kurt scoffed. It sounded a lot harsher than he meant for it to come out, but David didn't seem to mind much. If he did, he was really good at hiding it.

"And why's that?"

"Because… you know, you're just so… you. I mean, _look at you_. You're just… god, David don't look at me like that; you know what I'm trying to say."

"Actually, Kurt, I'm not certain that I do. Enlighten me."

"_Jesus_, are you really gonna make me say it? David, you… it's just easier for people like you…"

"_People like me_? Why, because I'm a _straight-acting_ _jock_?" David concluded. He was spot on, but Kurt didn't like the tone in his voice. It was as if Dave was offended by the statement, if the scoff he let out after Kurt's validation was any indication.

"That's bullshit, Kurt."

"Well, it's true, isn't it? Look at you, David; look at your life! You're on the football team, you're popular… everyone likes you… because you aren't like me."

"I'm _exactly_ like you," David said firmly, his gaze softening, yet still intense and focused. Any retort Kurt was about to make was lost on his lips when he saw that David's face was like stone; intent and serious.

"And if you think… that I haven't suffered for who I am because of trivial reasons like that, you're wrong, Kurt. In fact, you might not believe it, but I may have even suffered _more_. Because there are a lot of people out there who had that exact same opinion.

"They thought that just because I played football, there was no way I could be gay. Or when I came out, I was just trying to blend into the straight crowd and wasn't being true to myself. There was a lot of backlash to being me back in the day. But I'm every bit as gay as you are. Do you have any idea what it's like to be out on the football team in a town like this?"

"I can't say I do… but then again, I thought that was a given."

"It's not easy either, buddy. It's just as hard for me as it is for you. I hear the jokes, I'm talked about… I've even been pushed into a few lockers in my experience."

"Then why do it?"

"What?"

"Why even come out at all?" Kurt barely whispered. Dave's features relaxed as he looked over back at Kurt who had tears brimming in his eyes. Dave exhaled and examined the singer sympathetically.

"…Because I'd rather have been looked down upon for who I was… than be praised for someone that I wasn't."

"But wouldn't it be easier just to pretend? Why would you put yourself through that?"

"You'd think it'd be easier… but it's not. I played that game too, for a long time. On the outside, I was just another straight football player; no reason to draw any attention to myself. I was popular, well-liked… but I wasn't me. And when I came out, I did lose a lot of my 'friends'. And I won't lie to you; it hurt like hell. But at the end of the day, it was completely and totally worth it. You wanna know why?"

Kurt nodded.

"It's called pride, Kurt… _pride_. It's because deep down, I know that I don't have to apologize to anybody for who I am. It's because I learned to love myself and finally figured out that even though my sexuality makes me no different from anybody else, it also makes me different in a way that I wouldn't change for anything in the world. I deserve to be happy in my own skin... and so do you."

"David…"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Kurt. You're great. You're special. You're _you_. And I promise you that in your own time, you'll come to see that too."

There was a silent pause. Kurt sighed and looked David straight in the eyes.

"How do you know?"

"…Because I've been there too. I've been exactly where you are. What, do you think I came out in kindergarten or something? I haven't always been this amazing, you know," the jock laughed, eliciting a meek chuckle from Kurt.

"You really are."

"What?"

"Amazing… you really are amazing; that's what I meant."

"Yeah, I know," David shrugged and cocked his head to the side in mock vanity, causing Kurt to laugh again. The two of them locked eyes for a moment and exchanged soft smiles when the laughter had subsided.

"And so are you, Kurt," he placed a rough, meaty hand on the singers' shoulder, "You just need to… see yourself the way I do. Once you do that… it won't matter what other people think. Also, if you ever find yourself struggling… know that I'm here for you."

"I will… thanks," Kurt muttered, a weak, teary smile creeping on his face. Dave opened up his torso to Kurt, his arms outstretched, offering an embrace which Kurt gladly accepted. He hugged the older man tight, nuzzling his face in the jock's neck, relishing in the strong, piney scent of Dave Karofsky. He could have stayed there forever.

Dave's speech was inspiring; motivating even. Though it didn't do much to help Kurt's current situation; not completely anyway. With him and Mercedes officially broken up, he would undoubtedly receive a bombardment of questions and comments from the other glee clubbers. Talking to David after a while was easy. In this moment, it was like he and David had their own little bubble inside their own little world that nobody could mess up.

But how was he going to face _them_? They weren't going to understand him. And David had been used to being out. Even though he had his bullies in his day, he was more than capable of standing up for himself. Come on, look at the guy! And Kurt was just… _Kurt_. He wanted to be proud, he wanted to be comfortable in his own skin like David… and just as importantly, he wanted to be able to hopefully someday be with David.

But just like coming out… he knew that wasn't happening any time soon. The one thing he knew was what was happening right now. David was in his arms. And he was going to delight in this moment for as long as time would let him, tears or not, before he had to go back to real life.

* * *

><p><strong>For those of you still waiting on By Your Side, I'm sorry to keep you waiting this long. It's been months, I know, and I really am not sure when it will be updated again!<strong>

**I thought that this chapter would have been up over Christmas Break, but… I have a confession to make. I started watching **_**Queer as Folk**_** and… That's pretty much all I've been doing lol I've barely been able to come up for air! It's just… so… GOOD.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


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